I’ve been to my fair share of weddings, and at the totally traditional ones, the minister still asks the tried-and-true “if anyone here knows a reason why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace.”
I have never heard them actually pause after this invitation, nor have I, outside of a movie or television show, ever seen anyone take advantage of the opportunity to wreck someone’s $40,000 day.
According to these 12 people, though, it happens. And if you want to know the reasons, just keep reading!
1. Weddings aren’t complete without a mouthy grandma
“Second hand since I was born yet. Apparently my great grandma once yelled, “Who hired this man, he doesn’t know shit!”
Then the room laughed.”
2. Because the marriage was doomed
“I objected before the wedding. The best man and I (bridesmaid) knew the bride was cheating on our friend (groom). We tried to talk him out of the wedding beforehand but they went through with it. I said I couldn’t be in the wedding because I couldn’t stand there and act like it was right.
The groom woke up late one month after the wedding. One month to the date exactly and found the texts of her cheating. They divorced right after that.”
3. You’ll never know what he was going to say
“I was at a wedding when the “funny guy” (we’ll call him Bobby) in the groom’s friend group decided to stand up when the question about objecting came up.
Before he could get a word out, another friend of the groom yelled out and said, “Sit the fuck down Bobby, you ain’t got nothing to say!” Everyone laughed because we didn’t really know how to react and Bobby sat down without a single word. He basically made a fool of himself in front of 75 people and made the rest of the ceremony really awkward.”
4. When you just have that look about you
“While I’ve never objected at a wedding, I’ve been specifically singled out and told to “shush” at no less than 3 separate weddings – despite the fact that I had zero intentions of saying anything at any of them.”
5. Because booze
“I’ve told this before on here, FYI, but it’s still a pretty funny story, and I suspect a lot of you haven’t read it.
My friend was getting married. I was best man. The words are spoken “does anyone have good cause for why these two should not be wed?”
Out of the crowd I hear, in a very southern accent, the words “I LUV ERRR.”
Everyone looked back. It was a drunk guest who thought it would be a funny joke. He was just laughing and laughing. He was escorted off the premises.
I thought it was hilarious.”
6. From the mouths of babes…
“I was 2 and carried down the isle screaming by my grandmother. My Dad and Step-mom were getting married. When I was 14 they went through a messy divorce and she took the kids. I havent seen my 2 half sisters and youngest half brother since. Should have listened to the screaming baby.”
7. A sad story, indeed
“The groom tried to object. He had gotten the bride pregnant after a one-night stand, and the parents had forced a marriage. Even as a kid I could tell that they were clearly disgusted of each other (i.e. they couldn’t even kiss during the glass clinking). The bride dragged her feet quite literally across the aisle and when the pastor asked if anyone objected the groom began to nervously whisper to him, shaking his head and gesturing towards the bride. Both sets of parents got up and in loud whispers convinced him to go through with it. After a long, painfully awkward pause the ceremony continued. I have been to a lot of weddings and seen a lot of drama but this one has been one of the worst.”
8. Father knows best
“My dad & I took my older brother outside on the day of his wedding & told him he could leave. I offered to give him my car keys and the cash I had on me – about $2K. Told him we’d go in & explain to everyone. He told us he had to go through with it. He’s cheated a few times, got caught once having an actual girlfriend on the side. He almost got divorced because of it. He’s miserable but he’s still married with two fucked up kids. He knows they’re fucked up. He confided to me (while wasted) that he wished he’d listened to us 20 years ago.”
9. It’s not a wedding until the cops show up, right?
“I posted this in a similar thread about 4 years ago but here it is:
While this didn’t really happen during the objection part during the ceremony the bride’s ex-boyfriend tried to break up the wedding.
I was friends with both the bride and groom and bride’s ex-boyfriend kicks in the doors to the ballroom and starts screaming about how she is transferring ownership of his soul to the the groom and she can’t do that because she has to give it back to him first, since he had given it to her. He had a history of drug abuse and had just gotten out of prison for a possession charge.
He was high as a kite and happened to do this as the groom and his dad, two excellent guitar players, were performing a duet that the groom had written. Everyone is kinda flustered and worried not exactly knowing how to approach the guy when he walks in front of the groom’s dad. Guy shrugs his guitar off his shoulder, grips the head and swings for the fences. Cracks the ex in the back of his head, and puts a hole in the back of the guitar. Then, like a boss, he calmly leans forward and says into the mic that he may need to cancel some of the items he had volunteered to pay for in order to get bail.
Anyway, cops and ambulance came and carted the guy away, told the groom’s father he would need to come to the station immediately after the wedding for a formal statement but let him stay for the ceremony and reception provided he didn’t drink.
45 minutes later the ceremony is finished and we have a blast at the reception. Groom’s father had to pay a fine since he basically suckered the ex in the head when he wasn’t looking but didn’t have to do any jail time, community service, or probation.
Further information I learned since posting this the first time. Ex-BF had pulled a knife or had started to when pops popped him. And he never had to pay a fine. He made it all up so no one realized the true danger of the situation. Having stopped the Ex he just decided everyone should have a good time and carry on. The only other wedding person who saw the knife being drawn out was the groom and he stayed quiet to not add more stress to his bride’s big day.”
10. Some joke
“One of my friends had her father object at her wedding on account of the groom being a lizard.
The grooms finger tips are strangely large so the father determined it was because he is a lizard. Was all taken in good spirits as the father is just a natural joker and everyone knew he was joking.”
11. The joke’s on you.
“I just heard this story this past weekend.
My dad attended my Uncle’s wedding (not my real uncle, but they were roommates in college) a few years ago and objected to the wedding as a joke. When the question was asked, my dad stood up and yelled “I object, she’s too good for him!” Suddenly all their old college friends stood up and also started objecting as it was all part of an elaborate plan to screw with my Uncle. The bride of course was mortified.
My uncle, knowing my dad and all their mutual friends, expected something like this and had spoken with the officiant about a reverse prank. My uncle whispered to the officiant that it was go time. The officiant quieted everyone down and then announced that he was in fact offering a two for one deal on marriages and invited my dad and his GF of 13 years up to the altar to be married as well. Laughs ensued and my dad sat down and shut the hell up for the rest of the ceremony.”
12. How very un-Canadian of him
“Not me but my cousin (that no one likes) at another cousin’s wedding. Drunk af, confessed love, started shouting abuse when everyone started laughing. Got punched in the face by one of the groomsmen and had to be driven home by his dad.