When I was in kindergarten, I once accidentally called my teacher “mommy” when I was really tired. It was pretty embarrassing, and I wanted to melt into the floor for most of the day. Now, imagine having an experience that’s just as humiliating, but as an adult.
These 12+ confessions are that moment, but for the grownup world.
#1. Thank God for good senses of humor.
“My old boss, and my husband’s names were one letter apart. (I worked in a daycare, so the owner and all the staff often texted one another to update each other on kids, any issues parents had, and general questions.) My husband was working 3rd, and I was working 1st. We didn’t get to see each other much, and most of our conversation was done via text.
On my very first week, I was in a rush after getting into work, and texted my husband the same thing I always texted him when I got into work.
“Hey babe, I’m here. I hope your night was as awesome as you are <3. I love you soooooooo much. Your dinner is in the crock pot.”
When I went on break, I checked my phone. Nothing back from my husband, but my boss had texted me. It read “Love you too! Mwah!”
I was so confused until I looked back at the messages and realized I had sent her the text meant for my husband. Changed her contact name to “Boss” after that one.
Thank God she had a good sense of humor about it.”
#2. I think he meant the $100 bill.
“This happened to a coworker years and years ago. We were tellers at a local bank. Every Christmas we had tiny candy canes to give to the kids of customers. One guy came through with his. With his transactions he had cash back. Teller 1 was helping him. She proceeds to give him his cash in a 100 bill and the candy cane for his kid. He looks at her and says, “Can I have that broken up?” She then proceeds to bash the candy cane to a pulp with my stapler and gives it back to him. Teller 2 just looked at her after the dude said thanks and drove off, and said, “I think he meant the 100 bill.” I will remember this story forever.”
#3. Definitely this.
“These days I rarely talk on the phone to anyone who isn’t family so “love you, bye “ is a standard phone call ending. We had some issues at our house last year and I’m pretty sure I told 2 contractors and the insurance adjuster I loved them.”
“Not me, but my mom. She was in a meeting and not paying attention for whatever reason. Then someone asked her a question and she responded with “What’s that honey?”. Made me crack up for so long.”
#5. On the pot.
“My friend was on a toilet, someone knocked and she said: , Come in!’
edit: thanks for silver kind stranger!”
#6. Mixed up.
“My husband has mixed up my and his sister’s name more than once.
Also, calling your kids the pet’s name.”
#7. The look on his face…
“I’m a dental hygienist. my patient was a man who had just turned 91 the day before.
instead of saying “happy late birthday!” like a normal fucking human being, I accidentally (and very loudly) said “HAPPY LAST BIRTHDAY!!!!”
the look on his face… y’all.
this was also my second day at my new job.
edit: to answer everyone’s question on if he’s still alive: I have no idea. this happened about 2 months ago, so I won’t be scheduled to see him until sometime in July. fingers crossed he comes back or I’m going to feel even worse.
also thank you for the gold and silver! but pleaseeee put that towards a charity of your choosing instead! my idiocy doesn’t need rewarding.”
#8. Wrong job.
“At Dollar Tree the other day my boyfriend walked up to the cashier and she said almost immediately “How was your meal?” and then “Oh! wrong job!””
#9. A prayer cadence.
“I once saw a flustered young lawyer address a judge as “Oh Lord.” He was a big church person and had kind of fallen into a prayer cadence as he nervously argued. Everyone pretended it had not happened.”
#10. Big Daddy.
“I had a coworker who would jokingly call our chief “big daddy” behind his back. We were all working a little late one night and she let “hey big daddy!” slip as he walked in. To her credit she owned it and now calls him that in regular conversation.
Still weird though.”
#11. The cringe hasn’t lessened over time.
“Calling your wife “Mom” is pretty bad. I did that once almost 20 years ago and the cringe hasn’t lessened over time.
Edit: We never had kids, so it’s not like anyone else was calling her Mom. So… yeah. Super awkward. Yay!”
#12. We laughed about it for years.
“When talking with family we always end our calls with “I love you.”
So I’m on a call with my long time assistant and as the call ends without thinking I say “I lo…” and stop horrified as I couldn’t think of how to finish it. Thank God she had a sense of humor. She said, “ Aww, come on now, you can say it, go ahead, tell me you love me. “ So I did and we laughed about for years.”
#13. Some random chick at Walmart.
“Well I’ve accidentally rubbed the back of some random chick at Walmart thinking she was my wife before.”
#14. I scolded the dog.
“I’m a teacher. I unthinkingly scolded my dog the other day with, “Follow the directions!” We kinda just stared at each other for a second while I realized how ridiculous I sounded.”
“I’ve worked in restaurants since I was 16. When I bring someone to a table I say “enjoy.” After any drink or plate of food I put down at a table I do the same. Well I guess it was just inevitable that when a man asked me where the washroom was and I directed him that I told him to “enjoy!””
No less awkward. Maybe more.