Buckle up, friends – you may be about to read some things you can never unsee.
#15. I realize now.
“I was really horny, but my family was around so my solution was to go take a shower and choke the chicken in there. At the time I didn’t have a phone case on my phone since my previous one broke. I was getting pretty close standing in the shower so I went to set my phone in basket on top of the toilet where my wallet and stuff was, but instead I accidentally dropped my phone on the tile floor and the screen was completely shattered. I immediately realized I couldn’t easily explain this to my dad, so my solution was to finish my shower and get dressed, then go to the basement stairs and slip down the stairs and get scratched up and let my phone fall. I then went upstairs with my bleeding knee and broken phone and say I fell down the stairs, and that it broke my phone. I immediately got sympathy from my family and didn’t get in trouble. Nobody knows that I threw myself down the stairs and didn’t just slip. I realize now that I probably could have just said I fell, but at the time I felt I had to actually do it.”
#14. No one knows.
“I had a threesome with a couple i met online.
i was arrested last year and no one knows.
I cheated on my taxes.”
#13. I’ll never forgive myself.
“I blame myself for one of my best friends passing away. He lived across the country but I stopped talking to him when we both delved way too far into hard drugs and I blamed him for it secretly. A year later he was found dead and the last time I saw him I was barred out on Xanax. I’ll never forgive myself for that. I could and should have been there for him.”
#12. Religious disbelief.
“I would probably never consider myself an atheist, but I certainly don’t believe in many of the core tenants of my professed religion and I have very serious doubts about most of the others. The biggest problem is I’ve come to these conclusions only after recently marrying my very conservatively religious wife, and taking a job at said religious institution as a minister. I’m in a bad place right now.
Edit: Thanks a lot to everyone who has commented with advice, philosophy, and consolation. I have read every comment up to this point, and it has honestly put me a bit at ease to hear from you all. I’m going to turn off my notifications but I love all of the open discussion so feel free to continue commenting!”
#11. I find it annoying.
“I’m a mom but I hate being around other moms. I’m not even sure why but I find it annoying? I also hate talking about our kids all the time and nothing else.
Edit: I also have part of a tattoo that I secretly like even though I give people a bs excuse as to why I got it so I don’t seem like an idiot.”
#10. Just in case.
“My wife has a ceramic mug that she uses all day everyday to drink water. As long as I’ve known her she’s used the same mug. 5 years ago shortly after we moved in together, I found the same mug on eBay. That replacement mug sits in a bonx box at my office, just in case the day comes that I accidentally break the original.”
#9. Still ashamed.
“I was never fully potty trained until 7
I cringe at that every day.”
#8. Family secrets.
“I was molested by my grandpa from about age 5-9. I never told my parents or friends but did tell my therapist. I drunkly told my (also drunk) fiancé after about 2 weeks of dating but he’s never brought it back up. I don’t think he remembers. I don’t plan on telling him.
As payback, my step grandmother left me a diamond ring that just appraised for over $30k a year ago among other jewelry that appraised for about $5k. No one in the family understands why she left that to me and I’m not saying a word.”
#7. Extreme measures.
“I faked a seizure to get out of a wedding once.”
#6. Fantasy Al Gore.
“The very first time I ever touched myself in a sexual way I was in the 4th grade and fantasizing about Al Gore.”
#5. Someone knows.
“I have one testicle.”
#4. Small sense of satisfaction.
“I peed in my dad’s bottle of bacardi. He drank from it every night and was a raging alcoholic when I was younger. Anytime he acted like an asshole, I’d have this small sense of satisfaction in the back of my mind that no matter what he said or did, he drank my piss.”
#3. The last laugh.
“If anybody remember’s the toy “Sock’em Boppers”. Basically they’re blow up boxing gloves that are shaped kind of like lawnmower tires. They didn’t need to strap or tie around your wrist to stay on because at full inflation the hand insert was tight enough to snug your wrist.
Well one day I’m lying on the couch and my little brother decided to wack me in the side of the head with one when I wasn’t paying attention. His fun was cut short however: he immediately took off the bopper and lamented that it was wet inside the hand insert and that it stunk. Confused, he walked away.
I had been using it for a pocket vagina.”
#2. A light reminder.
“When I was 15 I tried to kill myself. My parents where out of town for the weekend and on that Saturday night i went into there medicine cabinet and took an ungodly amount of every pill in there (to this day i have no idea what i took) wrote out a long drawn suicide note, locked my door and fell asleep on my bed. Sunday morning my parents came home much earlier that i expected. I had left a small desk lamp on in my room and when my parents got home they tried to get into my room to turn off the light. I was obviously unresponsive and my parents freaked out so much that my dad broke down the door to my room. My dad shook me awake asking me a million questions angrily like why was the door locked, why I wasn’t responding and what was wrong with me. I groggily lied and told them i was super tired and didn’t feel good. They hesitantly believed me and left my room. When they left i grabbed the note and destroyed it. Went out into the living room and cried on my moms shoulder for what felt like hours. When she asked me what was wrong i just told her i had a really bad weekend and nothing else. To this day my parents joke about how i sleep like the dead, not knowing how close i was to actual death. I have never told my parents what happened that weekend, or how they unknowingly saved my life. To this day i still own that little desk lamp that i left on that night, and turn it on whenever I’m feeling depressed as a reminder that all you need is a little light to get you through the darkest of times. This was 16 years ago next month.”
#1. Painfully aware.
“I’ve lost weight in the past year and have been exercising and packing healthy lunches for work. My friends and coworkers comment about my weight loss and fitness level. But I dread my days off because then I’m home alone and I binge eat massive quantities of food and throw it all up. Multiple times throughout the day until my husband comes home. I’m an RN and I am painfully aware of how I am damaging my self.
Edit: holy shit, I did not expect this much support. I’m overwhelmed! I was sitting on the swing in my back yard with my husband and 3yo son when I switched accounts to share this. It physically hurt just to type it out and read the words. It’s heartbreaking to see how many others are suffering and hiding their own ED. I know I need help but I’ve always been the “strong” one in our family and I feel ashamed to admit that I am such a god damn mess. Thank you all for taking the time to reach out, its oddly comforting coming from total internet strangers ❤️”