There are life hacks that help you organize the cords around your desk (which are helpful, sure), and then there are survival hacks that could one day legitimately save your life.
Provided you’re level headed enough to recall them in your time of need, which, you know. I probably definitely wouldn’t be. But hey, no harm in reading, just in case!
#15. It’s still going to hurt
“If your elevator car suddenly falls, don’t jump. Your momentum will still be the same, and upon impact, you’ll collapse into your feet like an accordion.
Instead, lie flat. Make no mistake, you’ll still break something, but the impact will be evenly distributed across your body.”
#14. Common sense can save your life
“Get a carbon monoxide detector for your home and regularly check to make sure it has fresh batteries.”
#13. Don’t worry about fighting fair
“There is no such thing as a fair fight. If it’s a life threatening situation, fight dirty. Attempt to bite if you are pinned down, and press the base of your thumbs onto their eyes if necessary. As soon as you get the opportunity, run towards the nearest place with people around, and report to the police
Obvious, but often people view fighting as a boxing match.”
#12. You’re not in a cartoon
“Two animal ones
If you are scuba/free diving, and a giant octopus grabs hold of you, do not try to pry him off of you. He has more arms than you, and more ways to hold you. Focus on getting him off his anchor point -rock, pipe, whatever. He can’t pull you in and pull you down without using the leverage from his anchor.
If you are being chased by a swarm of bees, do not jump into a lake or other body of water to escape. This isn’t a cartoon. The bees will simply wait above the water to sting you, and now you have created a situation where you move slower, can’t breathe as well, and suffer worse if the toxins affect you. You may even swallow a bunch of bees gasping for air. Also, water has unseen predators that you’ve now introduced to the equation. If pursued by bees, just keep running and running. They will defend their hive to a large proximity, perhaps even a mile. Just run until they feel they’ve won.”
#11. To include in your survival kit
“Bring a small mirror or reflective item whenever you’re going some place or doing an activity where you could end up stranded. The shiny reflection from a mirror can signal rescue aircraft much more easily than most other methods.”
#10. An oldie but goodie
“Don’t be silly, wrap your willy.”
#9. In the unlikely but terrible event that…
“If you ever get held at gunpoint and asked to get in a vehicle, you fight with everything you’ve got to not do that. Run zig zag, punch and kick, do whatever even if you die in the process. Because 99% of the time, people who get in the car do not come back. Especially if being moved from a public place to a private place.”
#8. Follow the bubbles
“If you somehow find yourself so deep in a body of water that you can’t tell which was is up, blow bubbles and follow them up.”
#7. If something feels wrong, follow your gut
“If you’re ever on a dark highway at night and suddenly an unmarked car behind you flips police lights on but you don’t feel right about the situation, drive slowly and cautiously to a brightly lit/populated area before pulling over. You can also call 911 to find out if there are actually any cops in the area that would be out there to pull you over. If they say no, request for a cop to meet you at a nearby location.
There are a lot of carjackers/muggers/etc. that use fake police lights to get people to pull over on a dark and lonely roads because who isn’t going to stop for a cop? If it IS a real officer it may annoy them that you made them follow you for a few miles to a public area, but better safe than sorry and as far as I know as long as you’re not leading them on a high-speed chase/clearly trying to evade them they can’t punish you for it. IANAL though, and maybe some actual police officers can chime in.
edit: I get people being doubtful but this is a kind of thing that happens, and for the people who say it’s bad advice, the advice comes straight from the police departments themselves:
#6. Don’t drink the urine
“If you’re ever in a situation where you think you have to do it, you should still never drink your own urine. This will only kill you quicker. Urinating expels concentrated blood wastes from your body. Putting them back into your body will only make your kidneys work harder, greatly accelerating your impending kidney failure and reducing the amount of time you have left to find water and save yourself. Survival shows are full of shit. They just want ratings. Don’t drink your own urine, don’t give yourself a lake water enema, don’t eat anything you find in the forest, don’t try to tame a wild horse and ride it back to civilization (all things I have seen Bear Grylls ‘do’).
Real wilderness survival tips: Carry way more water than you think you’ll need, always carry at least one knife, have a flashlight and a backup flashlight, pack at least a few granola bars, have a compass, and carry a comprehensive first aid kit. Preparedness will save your life one day.
Oh, and take your fucking trash back home with you. Nature isn’t your trashcan.
Edit: Obviously, this post is not meant for you experienced hikers and outdoorsmen. This post is for the type of people who need to be told these things. Read into that what you will.”
#5. But first, find some berries
“Around 90% of red berries are toxic while only 40ish% of dark berries are toxic.”
#4. Just like in It’s a Wonderful Life
“Also, a thing I see in movies a lot is people trying to save someone who has fallen through the ice doing it the wrong way.
Never stand. You need to disperse your weight. What you do is belly slide as wide as you can and make a chain of people. Once the person on the end has hold of the person in the water only the people on the shore pull, and the people on the oce shpuld not move. It is always super dangerous, and really should only be done in extreme emergencies. If you can, wait for real rescue to arrive.”
#3. If you’re lost in the woods
“Birch bark has flammable oil in it that lets you light a fire even if it’s raining.”
#2. Modern advice
“Do not text and drive.”
#1. Don’t run
“If a hostile dog is confronting you, do not run. It can outrun you, and the minute you turn your back it’ll see it as a sign of weakness and may attack.
Instead, keep eye contact with the dog and try to find something long like a branch or pole. Face the dog and start slowly backing in the direction you need to go while shouting at the dog. IF the dog comes at you hit it’s face with the branch and shout, it will most likely back up out of the range of the stick. Use your phone to call for help if you can.”