Some of these are real rough, y’all. Be prepared.
14. Not-so-sweet nothings
“He called me his wife’s name. I did not know he was married.”
13. No crooning, please
“I once drunkenly hooked up with a guy I’d been friends with for a couple of years. We were at a party at his place and the music was loud enough to be heard from the bedroom so we didn’t turn any on when we started fooling around. Everything was going great, we had moved onto the actual sex, when he starts…softly singing. It’s not the song that’s playing out in the living room either, he just decided to start singing, and he’s getting louder and louder until he’s really belting it out – “BYYYYE BYE MISS AMERICAN PIE, DROVE MY CHEVY TO THE LEVEE BUT THE LEVEE WAS DRY!” It was…it was odd.
Edit: fixed the spelling you Chevy fans.”
“I want to see your bones drying in the desert sun. Wish I was kidding.”
“I’ll do you so hard, you’ll walk with a gimp the rest of your life.”
10. Maybe that’s a good thing
“Put his hand over my mouth and said: “Shhhh. Every time you talk, it goes down.”
“That was my hip.”
I apparently dislocated her hip.
That put an end to the evenings festivities.”
8. Not friends
“Not during sex, during foreplay. Was with a girl I was interested in, it was our second “date” (really, just the second time we hung out) and we ended up parked in a secluded spot. We hopped into the back seat and started getting frisky. After a bit she stripped completely naked, and made clear she wanted to have sex. Thought I’d go in for a bit of muff-diving before the main event, I enjoy it, and usually girls do too. So I started heading south, and just before I got to it she pulls my head up and says “no, please, I only let my friends do that”.
I mean, if you don’t want cunnilingus fine, just tell me, but the absurdity of the “I only let my friends do that” just killed the mood and I couldn’t get back into it. We talked a few more times after, but that was essentially it for us….”
7. Run away
“Don’t worry. It’s been over a week since my last outbreak.”
6. Just say no
“He yelled out, “Who’s your daddy?” I was going to ignore that he said that but he then said, “F*cking tell me, who’s your daddy?” I had to answer that he was.
I have no issues with my father. He’s a normal dad. So… that was really uncomfortable.”
5. Awkward level: George Costanza
One time things were getting hot and heavy with my girlfriend, she whispers my name into my ear, and, for some reason, I still don’t know why, I proceed to whisper my own name back into her ear. Extremely sensually.
Needless to say, no sex was had that night.
4. Wrong answer
“I said this to a girl once on accident but she probably doesn’t use this site so oh well. She was a bigger girl but I didn’t mind at all. We were going at it with foreplay and such for a little before I started f*cking her from behind and while I did I grabbed her love handles for support. Well apparently she wasn’t pleased that I did because she looks back at me and tells me not to grab her fat and sadly the only thing I thought to say was “That doesn’t leave me much to work with”.
Edit: Well I just quadrupled my comment karma for being a thoughtless ass hole. I guess being yourself really pays off”
3. Honesty is some kind of policy
“Let me know when you cum so I can fake an orgasm at the same time”
“One time during sex my husband was getting close but didn’t want to finish yet. So, he decides to quote Supernatural. Season 7 episode 1 where Castiel is trying to hold back the Leviathans. My husband says “I can’t hold them back” in a gravely Castiel voice. I start giggling and then he yells “LEVIATHAN!” Super loud and we both crack up laughing. It takes us a couple minutes to get back into the swing of things but that makes me laugh every time I think about it.”
1. Just why
“I hope this helps my period come, I’ve never been this late”