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15 Clever Ways to Get Unwanted Guests out of Your House

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Listen, friends are great… but we all need our own space at the end of the night.

It happens to everyone: You invite some friends over for dinner and they stay for a few hours. But when you’re ready for them to leave, they just don’t get the hint. They linger on and on…and your night never ends.

Well, I have good news! AskReddit users were nice enough to share the best ways to get these folks out of your face when it seems like they’ll never leave.

1. Snooze alert

“Start talking about a topic that bores them.

Had that one friend living in the same building and visiting me too often and too long. But she kind of detested video games so whenever I started with “When I was playing Final Fantasy the other day…” she always blocked “Oh, look at the time! I have to go! Bye!” and went home for the day.”

2. The perfect song

“Play ‘Closing Time’ over and over again until they get the hint.”

3. Fight!

“My girlfriend and I always act like we’re getting pissed at each other and about to fight. No one wants to be around that.”

4. A good plan

“Stomach problems. Tell a guest that

“As much as I’d love for you to stay, I’m about to have serious gastrointestinal distress and I’d like you not to have to experience it with me!”

That has always worked for me.”

5. Take the small one

“English here. I have 2 sets of tea mugs in my house, small and large. If someone turns up and I don’t want them to be there long, I give them the small mugs and hope they leave when they’ve finished”

6. The British way

“If you’re British, you wait for any lull in conversation, put your hands on your knees as you stand up and say, “Well then…” “

7. The yawn is key

“Say, “Well, it was great catching up with you.” Stand up, head towards the door. Yawn loudly.

Although one time this didn’t work and I lost it. We had friends come to pick up an item they’d bought. They wouldn’t stop chatting. Oh, the questions about everything. I had an appointment 2hrs drive away and I didn’t want to be late. SO and I finally got them out of the house but they just stood there now talking about different stuff. I’d said I had to leave. Now. That I might be late. I felt panic. “It was great seeing you.” I walked to the car and started getting in. SO was trapped on the doorstep talking to them. I lost it, screaming, “Hurry up (SO’s name), we’re going to be f-cking late. Get in the car, now.” I look up to three shocked faces. SO says, “I’m coming. We’re just saying good bye.” “

8. This is great

“My grandpa used to get up, put on his pyjamas and act surprised that people were still in his living room. Worked like a charm.”

9. Adam

“My sister comes back from university for the weekend and one her friends gave her a lift home, let’s call him Adam. Bare in mind she arrived home at around 4pm. I get home from school around 5 and Adam is still there after inviting himself in as he wanted a quick rest from the 2 hour drive from Birmingham to London.

Anyway, skip forward a couple of hours. It’s 7pm, he’s still there and keeps saying he needs to leave soon as he is having Friday night dinner at his aunties, whilst my mum is cooking for our Friday night dinner. Finally my dad walks in at 7.30 and is greeted by Adam who he has never met before with his hood up and feet sprawled over the sofa. My bald dad asks why he has his hood up to which he responds wittingly with “I didn’t want to make you jealous of my hair.” Dad’s not happy, but laughs it off.

Eventually, Adam asks if he can stay for dinner, my mother being the typical Jewish mother that she is even though she has only cooked for the four of us can’t say no. Now, we don’t have a traditional Friday night dinner it usually last around 45 mins- 1 hour so think he will leave after. Oh, wrong we were, he’s still here at 11pm and not looking likely to leave any time soon.

Eventually, Adam leaves to use the toilet. At which point my dad comes up with an ingenious solution, someone will phone the mobile and he’ll pick up and pretend to be his brother claiming some emergency and we all have to go to his house. So, Adam comes out of the toilet, I ring my dad’s phone, he has a fake conversation with no one and hangs up. He tells Adam we have to go over to my uncles whilst my dad puts on his coat. Adam accepts this and start to get ready to leave.

10 minutes later, Adam is still there ‘getting ready’. This time my dad say we have to leave now and ushered everyone outside, locks the front door and we head to the car. Adam, gets into his car and just sits there. We wait a couple of minutes expecting him to drive off, but he never does, he just sits there looking at his phone. This is getting ridiculous now, my dad turns on the ignition and drives off. We go around the block and drive back up the road, and he is still there. So my dad parks up in the road next to house and wait 10 minutes to go back when he has finally gone.

We had to run away from our own house to get rid of an unwanted guest, because we are too polite to tell him to f-ck off.”

10. Turn up the heat

“My grandfather would always turn up the thermostat so all of the rooms got unbearably hot/stuffy haha.”

11. Infestation

“Scream rat / mouse and run out of the house.

Then when everyone is running out of the house you can run back in and lock yourself in.”

12. Straight to the point

“Tell them to go away.”

13. No job = No responsibilities

“When we have our unemployed friends over, that don’t grasp that we have to get up and go to work in the morning, I will change into my pj’s and start taking off my makeup. That is usually a big enough hint, at least for the women, then they take the guys with them.”

14. Not a bad idea

“Follow Carrie Fisher’s advice. Put on the Star Wars Christmas special.”

15. Time to leave

“Start stacking your chairs onto the tabletops, like you’re in a restaurant at closing time.”