If you’re a parent – or a nonparent who just finds parenting situations hilarious – on Twitter, you probably see halfway decent tweets come across your timeline at least a couple of times a day.
These 15 tweets aren’t just halfway decent, though, so if parenting tweets are your think, you definitely don’t want to miss these!
15. If you can convince yourself this means the food is wholesome, so much the better.
My 3yo calls it “Old McDonalds,” as well.
3: can we go to the farm for lunch?
3: daddy takes us to the farm…
Me:um, do you mean McDonalds?
— Celeste Yvonne (@andwhatamom) May 12, 2019
14. They’re all going to be fine.
Who has the time to police everything that goes into a kid’s mouth?
Parenting through the years:
1st kid: Organic food only
2nd kid: “McDonald’s once in a while isn’t so bad.”
3rd kid: “Did he just eat dog food? I’m sure he’s fine.”
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) April 1, 2019
13. Sometimes games are a little too real.
But if you can sleep in jail, or she’ll bring you a snack, go along with it.
Wife: We’re playing jail. Pretend to be the 2yo’s prisoner.
— Daddy’s Digest (@daddysdigest) May 13, 2019
12. I think it changed all of us.
Our immune systems are forever altered.
You think you can scare me? My first job was at Chuck E Cheese. The ball pit changes you.
— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) October 9, 2019
11. Most “tried and true” parenting advice is hogwash.
It’s given by people who have forgotten what it’s like in the trenches.
“Sleep when the baby sleeps” is great advice if you can drive with your eyes closed
— Salty Mermaid Entertainment (@saltymermaident) May 14, 2019
10. It’s impossible to argue with this brilliance.
I’m definitely going to steal this idea, and you are, too.
My kids were crushed when I told them our Disney trip was canceled.
Partly because that’s the first they even heard of any Disney trip since we'd never planned one, but at least now they'll think we did.
— The Dad (@thedad) May 25, 2020
9. It will definitely work.
According to Hollywood, sunglasses are all you need to look alive.
time to toss on sunglasses and Weekend At Bernies my way thru my daughter's softball game
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) May 15, 2019
8. Tell your pregnant friends so they can avoid the disappointment.
Yes, this law also applies to movies. Maybe moreso.
I wish someone had told me this parenting law:
The more excited I am about an activity with my kids, the less they will care about it.
— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) May 26, 2020
7. It is a very versatile tune.
That you will never, ever want to hear again at some point in your life.
Having kids a few years apart means you sing “The Wheels On The Bus” for the babies but then add a few lines about The Hulk smashing everything all through the town for the four-year-old.
— The Mom at Law® (@TheMomAtLaw) May 15, 2019
6. Next she’s going to want to speak to your manager.
That’s your wife, in case you weren’t keeping track.
8-year-old: Are we having pizza tonight?
8: Can you check again?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 28, 2020
5. Most likely on purpose.
Toddlers are a$sholes, don’t @ me.
If there is something on the floor that can crumble into a million pieces, a toddler will step on it one second before you can get to it.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) May 17, 2019
4. You have to really pull out your acting skills.
They can tell if you’re not actually paying attention, I promise.
40% of parenting small children is just saying “wow” and “cool” when you don’t mean it.
— Molly McNearney (@mollymcnearney) May 24, 2020
S/he would never guess those things were related. Bless.
Me: I’ve been tired for 10 years.
Kid: Hey, that’s how old I am!
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 16, 2019
2. What a world if we could all say that.
Full of sass and mismatched patterns. What could be better?
I want the confidence of a toddler who picked out her own outfit.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 27, 2020
1. I mean they’re basically always talking to you.
It’s impossible to pay attention ALL the time.
Before I had children of my own, I always wondered how a parent could just ignore their kid when they're trying to talk to them.
Just want to say that I get it now.
— Ｍｏｍｚｉｌｌａ (@milliondollrfam) May 15, 2019
These tweets set a high bar, for sure!
Which one made you laugh the hardest? If you can pick a favorite, share it with us in the comments!