You lose many things when you become a parent, and yes, dignity certainly makes that list.
A reality these 15 dads are definitely living…
15. I mean at least they’re not currently destroying anything.
I don’t know what kind of life I envisioned myself having at this age, but watching a half-naked toddler lick the frosting off a Pop-Tart while sitting on my chest at 5:45 in the morning was almost definitely not a part of it.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) May 23, 2019
14. I hope your self esteem can take a beating.
Having a 3yr old around is a bit like having the director's commentary turned on for the movie that is your life.
— Jack's Dad (@DaddingAround) May 13, 2019
13. I’m sure they just moved along.
Accidentally asked a conference room full of coworkers if they had to go potty before the meeting and my membership to the Parent Club auto-renewed itself.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) March 18, 2019
12. You definitely wonder why you bother talking.
My 4yo asked why she couldn't see the moon. I explained the moon's placement in the sky and Earth rotation. Midway through my impromptu lecture, I heard her softly singing the finger family song. I stopped talking, she kept singing. I never answered her questions again.
— La Guardia Cross (@LaGuardiaCross) November 12, 2018
11. A stark realization.
I never realized how annoying I could be until I created a miniature version of myself and started arguing with it daily.
— Micah (@ParentalGrit) October 29, 2018
10. Anyone? Anyone at all?
Just overheard my 6-year-old son ask Alexa, "Alexa, is there anyone my dad could beat up?"
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) April 30, 2019
9. That’s all?
One thing the parenting books didn’t prepare me for is having to bring home a 200-pack of toilet paper every 48 hours
— The Dad (@thedad) May 2, 2019
8. This is your full time job now.
3-year-old: *holds the remote for 2.5 seconds*
Me: *spends hours trying to get Netflix to not be in French*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 17, 2019
7. She’s not wrong.
Just asked my 7 y.o. if I could be the person who chooses the hangman word and she said, “no. You already had your childhood.”
— Dan Goor (@djgoor) October 22, 2018
6. Repeat with sunscreen, diaper cream, soap…
Me: I wonder what delights the world of parenting will offer me today?
My 6yo kid: [rubbing toothpaste over his hands as if it’s hand cream]
— Phil (@geowizzacist) March 19, 2019
5. Achievement unlocked.
I became a father the day my daughter was born but I didn’t become a dad until the first time she rolled her eyes at me.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) June 16, 2019
4. Because he’s just given up, that’s why.
Wife: Honey why do you always wear that one old tee shirt around the house? The neck is all stretched out.
10 month old: *grabs my tee shirt neck, hauls herself up, starts slapping my face and giggling*
Wife: …yes yes I see
— Dave Learns Dadding (@DaveLearnsToDad) January 7, 2019
3. I feel his posture.
This dad I saw at the park yesterday is every parent's spirit animal. ???? pic.twitter.com/MB5NTWYUT2
— Jack's Dad (@DaddingAround) July 24, 2019
2. It gets less adorable quickly.
Congratulations on your child saying their first words.
Before you know it, you'll be treated to such gems as, "I had to poop but I pushed it back in my butt so I don't have to go anymore."
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) July 14, 2019
1. It’s your job.
Bounce off walls with relentless, destructive force.
Toddlers at playground:
Sit motionless on the swings screaming “HIGHER!!!” until both your arms, and will to live, are broken.
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) June 10, 2019
Parenthood, man. It’s…great. Mostly.