We’ve all heard that true beauty is on the inside, and while that may be true, ex-FBI agent Jack Schafer explains in his book – The Like Switch: An Ex-FBI Agent’s Guide to Influencing, Attracting, and Winning People Over – that there are outward laws of attractiveness you can follow to more easily make friends (and maybe more).
So if you’re interested in what allows other people to feel as if you’re more approachable, attractive, and ready to be befriended, check out these 7 simple tips!
7. Lean forward and lower your voice during conversation
The lower your voice, the more intimate the conversation seems, and who doesn’t love sharing a secret? Make sure you don’t violate someone’s personal space and you’re good to go.
6. Tilt your head to the side
In the animal world, the action exposes your jugular, which tells the other guy you trust them. For people, a slight sideways head-tilt also conveys openness and trust, which makes you appear more friendly and approachable.
5. Give the other person the opportunity to compliment themselves
Instead of offering up compliments, which can come across as insincere flattery, give the other person a chance to praise themselves with questions like “did you really do it yourself?” or “that must have been a challenge – how did you do it?”
Being able to talk freely about their accomplishments establishes rapport without insincerity.
4. Smile with your eyes (but without a full-on grin)
A sincere smile can produce endorphins that facilitate communication, and we tend to go back to the places and people that make us feel joyous.
Don’t fake it though – people will be able to tell, and a full-on grin that doesn’t reach your eyes can be a creepy turn-off.
3. Lips, in addition to the eyes, are gateways to the soul
Watch the person you’re talking to closely – if they touch their lips, they could be feeling shy about answering a question or a certain topic.
In turn, you can learn to control your own pupils and the signals they give off – enlarged pupils communicate sympathy and interest. If you’re unsure of how yours are coming off, choose a venue with low lighting.
2. Avoid saying “you’re welcome”
You might have noticed that people in the service industry made the switch from “you’re welcome” to “my pleasure” some time ago, and in personal interactions, you can also try “I’m sure you would have done the same for me.”
The reason? Either of the latter two phrases are imbued with a sense of reciprocity. Which is to say, they can encourage the other person to want to do something for you in return. You can encourage this back-and-forth relationship further by asking for a small favor, like a book recommendation or a small piece of advice, and voila, a friendship is born!
1. When in doubt, remember these four things: proximity, frequency, duration, and intensity
The closer the better, the more often you interact, the stronger your relationship and the duration of meetings should vary depending on the frequency. Intensity is being able to watch and gauge the other person’s needs in order to satisfy them, and this reflects whether you’re enjoying your time together or not.