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People Confess Which Things They Learned Embarrassingly Late In Life

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They say it’s never too late to learn anything.

While that sentiment may be true, it doesn’t mean acquiring what others thought was common knowledge later in life isn’t an utter embarrassment.

Still, that shouldn’t prevent us from seeking wisdom no matter how old we are.

Some may argue that’s easier said than done.

Redditor keepcalmandbecalm provided an opportunity for strangers online to fess up about being late to the game of enlightenment.

They asked:

“What fact did you learn at an embarrassingly late age?”

Before The Feast

“I had to explain to my friend last year (28YO) that the turkey we saw in the farm park was the same animal as the turkey dinner she was eating.”

“She knew this about chicken, but… just never made that mental connection about turkey.” – pianobarbarian1

Airborne Sewage

“I thought piss and sh*t were just dropped out of airplanes mid flight and disintegrated in thin air.” – I_AmTheGovernment

Rinsing Process

“Shampoo goes on first. Made the mistake of arguing with a friend in high about how conditioner makes your hair all weird feeling, so you use the shampoo at the end to bring it back to normal. He’s never let me live it down.” – CeeCeeBABCOCK

Double Whammy

“I’ve got two.”

“Whenever I complained about any part of my body aching, my dad would say “oh that’s cause you’re growing”. And I believed him, right until I was 19.”

“In my culture we use water to wash our asses after pooping, and sure, we all learnt that. What I didn’t realise was that you’re still meant to wipe after, so I walked around with wet pants until I was 20 facepalm.” – yas9in

Growth Spurt

“Growing pains.Thats what my mom always told me when I was little and my legs hurt.I’m 6 feet tall now female.My son is constantly saying his legs hurt so I googled this assuming it’s growing pains.”

“When your a kid your muscles just get sore from over playing,sports,etc.This was maybe a month ago that I learned this,always assumed Growing Pains was a real thing.” – Wtfismypassword4444

Airborne Amphibian

“When I was 28 I learned that flying fish are a real animal. I thought they were pretend, like unicorns.” – fishnugget1

Hot And Bothered

“That the phrase ‘in heat’ didn’t mean they lived in a warm climate. I learned that when I was today years old.” – owestball

Black Hole?

“There was a big building called ‘The Space Center’ that we’d always pass by and for the longest time I thought it was like a space camp sorta place. I was well into the teens when it finally clicked.”

“It’s a storage facility. So yeah that was a major letdown on all fronts.” – WhenBuyIt

Not About Role Playing

“That I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus is about the mom kissing the dad who’s dressed up as Santa. I just assumed it was a little innocent cheating.” – PoolSharkPete

Two Articles Of Clothing

“I was somewhere in my 20s when I found out that the words “sweater” and “sweatshirt” aren’t interchangeable.” – Caitlen315

It’s Not A Mashup

“Mangopapaya is not a fruit, my mom just never remembered the difference between a mango and a papaya, so I grew up thinking a mangos real name is mangopapaya.” – Marosie

What Makes Them Puff

“Pufferfish puff up with water, not air. It’s so obvious and it never even occurred to me.”

“I only realised how stupid I was when I read a reddit comment about a year ago pointing the fact out.” – AgnosticMantis

Trimmed

“I learned at 13 I was circumcized.” – Pyromaniac64

A Safe Combo

“That eating fish and having milk won’t kill you. My parents seem to believe that the combination makes you sick but Google told me otherwise..” – healme_

Altered Snacks

“Pickles are cucumbers and raisins are grapes.” – foxtailavenger

A Pun

“Not a fact, just a realization. It wasn’t until recently (and I’m in my late 40s) that I realized the phrase ‘if I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me’ didn’t mean that you’d lose respect for me for the act.”

“It finally dawned on me that it meant what the rest of you all know it means. Thankfully this dawned on me privately and not in conversation or I’d have felt like the double the moron I do now.” – Prima13

The Argument

“I thought concur meant disagree till i got in an argument with someone and later found out they were trying to agree with me.” – Lord_Ikaros

Proper Pronunciation

“How rendezvous and dachshund are pronounced. I knew what the words were when spoken, obviously, but every time I’d see them written I’d get stuck. I’d try to sound them out.”

“I remember being stuck behind Buick Rendezvous in traffic and sound it out phonetically and think to myself ‘well that’s a weird thing to name a car.’ In my mid 20s.” – JaggedUmbrella

It’s That Month

“That the month is pronounced and spelled February and not Febuary despite being born in that month.” – jetpacksheep

Crunching The Numbers

“The twelve days of Christmas are from Christmas to the Feast of the Epiphany sometimes called Three Kings Day on January 6th. I was raised Catholic. It’s a holy day of obligation. I just never counted the days. I even wondered why it’s 12 days in the song.”

“The fact that it’s called epiphany stings a bit. I’m 45.” – prolific-lurker

You Only Get One Replacement

“Not me, but I was talking to my best friend about how I have a lisp since the accident last year that left me without several teeth.”

“He replied with ‘wait, it’s been a year why haven’t they grown back?’”

“Me- wtf do you mean, teeth don’t grow back?”

“Him-no no they don’t grow back but wouldn’t the new set have grown in yet or are they still coming in?”

“Me-new set? You only have one set of adult teeth.”

“Him-wait what”

“This man made it to 22 firmly believing you lose one set of teeth as a kid and then have TWO SETS of adult teeth.”

“God, I wish, then I wouldn’t be paying $4000 for replacement teeth.” – MidnightCiggarette

I really shouldn’t be laughing at any of these.

For the longest time, I was fully convinced I had to avoid swallowing watermelon seeds because I thought one would grow inside of me.

I was rightfully roasted for ages when I learned the truth when I was 12.

Written by Koh Mochizuki

Koh Mochizuki is a New York-based actor and writer. Originally hailing from Los Angeles, he received his B.A. in English literature and is fluent in Japanese. Disney parks are his passion, and endless cups of coffee are a necessity. Instagram: kohster Twitter: @kohster1