in

People Share The Conversation They’d Have With Their Pets If They Could Talk For 24 Hours

I graduated high school and went right to adopting rescue animals. The first one was a 5 week old puppy—a brindle girl so dark you’d be forgiven for thinking she was just a dirty black dog at first.

Her name was She-Ra and she was by my side for 22 years.

Twenty-two.

She saw me through scandalous college years, several whack partners, a first marriage…

She-Ra was as much a part of my “definition” as my sarcasm, my hair, or my loud face. She was, very honestly, the best friend I’ve ever had.

And I would have LOOOOOOOOOVED to hear the stuff she wanted to say back when we would sit around having chisme time.

Homegirls face was as loud as mine—I just KNOW she wanted to read some people into oblivion in English, Spanish, Spanglish, AND Pitbullian. I would have listened and been on stand-by with water so she could stay hydrated while she went off.

I’m a supportive bestie like that.

Reddit user l0velygh0st asked: 

“You’re gifted 24 straight hours where you and your pet(s) are suddenly able to understand each other and have real conversations like you’re old bffs just catching up on lost time. What would you want to tell them and how would you want to spend those hours with them?” 

Obviously She-Ra and I would be on our Thelma and Louise—minus the tragic ending and plus some incredible fashions.

Reddit users had their own incredible, adorable, ideas. The love between people and their pets is going to be our happy thought around here for the day.

“Lemme Upgrade Ya” 

“Write down every single quality of life improvements I can make for you.”

“Let’s go find you your perfect food to eat, let’s make sure there aren’t any aches and pains you have that we can’t address.”

“Tell me all of your favorite spots.”

“Tell me what you like, what you don’t. Literally everything.”

– Straightup32

About The Vacuum

“I would tell them that I love them, and that they’re good, and I would explain that I don’t cut their nails or vacuum the floor to hurt and scare them, it’s just stuff I need to do.”

“I would want to know what their lives looked like before they got to my family, if they can remember it. I would talk to them about funny stories from when they were young, and hopefully they’d have funny stories from when I was young.”

“I would also like to hear what gossip they might know because people still talk when pets are around.”

“I would want to ask them if there are ways I’ve been caring for them wrong, how I can care for them better and enrich their lives more. Are they hurting in any places that aren’t obvious?”

“They’re getting old, so I just want them to be happy for as many years as they have left.”

– SallyTwoSocks

When I Leave 

“Stop freaking out when I left the house. I will be back, like always.”

– Rawinza555

“But what if someday you’re not? Like you get in an accident and die and your buddy never knows what happened.”

“I think about that a lot and it breaks my heart”

– testerpants

“This happened to me!”

“I had sudden heart failure and was in the hospital for two months. Apparently, my dog just sat looking out the window every day, not understanding why I wasn’t coming back.”

“When I got home we were both so happy and getting back to her definitely helped save my life. I feel so guilty that she had to wonder why I had abandoned her for all those weeks…”

– cosmichorror845

“I’ve told my wife that if anything was to ever happen to me, my cat needs to see me so he understands I didn’t just leave.”

– Pure1nsanity

What’s In A Name? 

“To figure out what name he gave me.”

– Zure-Mossel

“Dog: ‘It’s Bar-woorrdddll!’ “

“Human: *tries to say it* “

“Dog: ‘No, you’re saying it wrong, but I like what you call me.’ “

– MoreNMoreLikelyTrans

“My cat’s name is Dobby, and I have another one named Nyxi. My conversation would go something like this:”

“N: ‘Why’d you call me Nyxi?’ “

“Me: ‘Well Nyx is the goddess of night and cats are known for loving the nighttime.’ “

“D:’Wow cool! Why’s my name dobby?’ “

“Me: *…shows picture* “

“D: 😑”

“Me: ‘Your ears are big!!’ “

– 12Lister12

John Wick

“I would explain to them how much I love them and how they’ve saved my life many times.”

“I would ask what happened to them before they came into my life. They’re both rescues and we have made HUGE progress over the last three years, but they were pretty traumatized when I adopted both of them.”

“We would spend the day talking about our favorite things.”

“I would ask for the names and addresses of the owners that abused them both.”

“And I would go John Wick on those motherf*ckers.”

– [Reddit]

“OMG imagine if they could tell us their abusers…..that’s a dangerous path to go down but so many evil people would be gone from this world…”

– l0velygh0st

“I can’t even imagine.”

“My husband and I rescued our boy when he was barely two and we are his third or fourth family. He’d been passed around because he was “aggressive” apparently.”

“We’ve had him for five years and can’t imagine how anyone could ever think this massive goofball, scared-of-his-shadow, cuddly gentle giant could ever be aggressive.”

“Makes me wonder if he was being mistreated. He has a lot of separation anxiety, even now, because he was left and abandoned so many times before he was ours.”

“I get really sad thinking about it. He’s my world.”

– canohughess

Some Questions

“I’d have mostly questions:”

“’You don’t have to like your brother, but can we all agree to just coexist peacefully please?’”

“’I understand that taking medicine is no fun, but it’s what makes you feel better, so please stop fighting me whenever I need to give you the thing. It’ll suck for a couple seconds and then it’s over.’”

“’What is your obsession with lettuce?’ which seems like a normal thing until you realize it would be asked to cat.”

“’Why do you hump me when I lay down on the couch, but not when I’m sitting?’ (Asked to boy cat)”

“’Do you actually like the food I feed you?’”

“ ‘Is the temperature I keep the thermostat good for you?’ ”

“According to the internet, apparently I keep the temperature set too low, yet the kiddos run into my fridge or freezer often, and they sit on the vent when the AC is on in the summer, but also sit on the vent when the heat is on in the winter… are they hot or cold?! I don’t have the slightest clue.”

– SportsPhotoGirl

So now that we know what Reddit would do with 24 hours of talk time, it’s your turn at the mic.

Tell us what you’d want to talk about if your pet friends could converse for a day!

Written by Erica Diaz

Have you ever read something where you just KNOW the writer talks with their hands, does the sound effects, and would bust out a little dance if it suited the story?

That's Erica.

She's a colorful storyteller whose sense of humor and fearless honesty make a big impact. Her rants might go for the emotional jugular, hit your funny bone, or shock you and your mama out of your fajas. Usually it's all three.

Often chronicling her life in Florida, her stories are full of characters like "Bikini Rifle Lady", "Mariachi Neighbor," and "Barbara The NextDoor Evangelist." There's almost always a message in the madness, and that's what people connect with most.

Also her deep and undying love for Tevin Campbell.

You can find more of her work at www.EricaFazio.com