The dog ate my homework!
When you get older, some of the excuses you tell your boss are basically the equivalent of that story that has become legendary for kids in school.
But sometimes, truth is stranger than fiction and the stories that sound totally outrageous really did happen.
“What was an excuse an employee gave that you thought was ‘BS’ until you saw proof?”
Let’s take a look at these stories from folks on AskReddit.
1. Don’t drive over boxes.
“I had a guy no-show one time. He called like an hour after he was supposed to be there, saying that he blew three tires while on his way to work.
Turns out, he saw a box in the road, and assumed it was empty. So he ran over it… It was a box of drywall screws. They scattered, blowing not only the tire he hit it with, but also both rear tires as well.
Apparently lots of cars also picked up screws as they went around him, before a fire truck was able to get there and block off the two lanes. He showed me a photo of him and a cop, standing next to a row of like 15 parked cars, all with flat/quickly deflating tires.
And that’s the story of how my idiot coworker learned never to assume containers in the middle of the road are empty.”
2. I can’t get out!
“Had a guy call me 30 mins before his shift started to tell me he was locked in his house and couldn’t get out.
When he finally came in he had a receipt from a locksmith and the old lock, which had had to be drilled out.”
3. Uhhhh…that’s crazy.
“One of my former employees was a beekeeper as a side job. She called it in one day and said she might not be able to come into work, but that she was coming in to show me why. She came in, and her right eye was very swollen.
Turns out a bee had crawled up her nose and stung the inside of her nose. She wasn’t very allergic to bees, but she ended up having a mild allergic reaction and had to go to the hospital.”
4. Should have taken his word.
“A frequent absentee rushed into my office without knocking, saying he had to go home immediately because of not feeling well. This guy had used so many alibis to skip work, even his workmates didn’t trust him anymore.
I stalled, taking note of his abysmal work record, bright eyes and healthy-looking ruddy cheeks; and then decided to give him a stern lecture on workplace absenteeism—until he projectile-vomited all over my desk, family photos, budget reports and an open laptop.
Trying to avoid the tsunami, I launched my chair backwards, smacking my head on a bookshelf. Through the stars, I could see chunky bits and stinking slime everywhere. I can only conclude it must’ve been a cold-pizza breakfast. With a liter of cola.
I know, some fakers can do that on demand, but I didn’t bother to investigate. I suddenly had more pressing problems.
Plus, I guess wide eyes and a ruddy complexion can be a bad sign too.”
5. Sounds like a great man.
“Called in because he ate dogsh*t mixed with Oreos and was feeling sick.
He recorded it on tape Jackass style and gave copies away.”
6. Had an accident.
“Had a staff member say she’d been in a car accident and couldn’t work. We literally have this excuse every other week from our staff. I was not impressed.
Turns out she was riding her bike to work and was hit by a car. She ended up in the ICU and the hospital called us as we were her next of kin.
She ended up having a lot of surgery but recovered within a few months. I paid her a few weeks of pay so she didn’t go too broke (she was a casual and not entitled to pay) until she got back on her feet.
So, on at least one occasion a car accident has been true!
NB- People are blowing up my inbox about her using us as a Next of Kin. Don’t worry guys!!
She is a foreign national in our country and her overseas family don’t speak English. She also worked directly with me as a nanny for my daughter, so we were somewhat close. We have further emergency contacts for all our staff, so we could have made further contact, if necessary. She recovered from the ICU stay quickly.
She’s Japanese and hates to make a fuss about anything. I believe to her mind she was just being logical. She still works with us and is back with her clients (who were beside themselves with worry and who all sent her flowers).”
7. Lucky to be alive.
“A while ago, one of my ex-coworkers didn’t show up to work on a Monday because he said he was jumped, kidnapped and put into the trunk of a car and driven 2 states away.
He got tossed outta the car and left there. He showed us the police report.”
8. Sad, but true.
“I jumped up, hit my head on the low ceiling, and had to go to the hospital.”
He showed me the stitches.
This happened in 2004 at a retail job.”
9. Didn’t believe him…
“I work with bus drivers.
One of is known for absenteeism on monday after football (the European one). One day we put an alco-lock on several of our cars, company policy for one of our biggest clients. One of them was his.
He calls in, declaring he ate bad fruit and his alco-lock gone haywire. Of course didn’t believe him. Next day, he came in with a full bloodwork and stomach report. (And a small note and an empty box of anti-alcohol tablets. Turns out he was already sober for a month).
Related, but not on topic: 6 months in, we asked him to speak up. Pictures of before and after were a shock to many, especially the pictures of his liver and kidneys.”
10. It was all true.
“Right before I got outta the Army, I had a new guy that was just a total fuck up. Bought a truck at like 18% interest, got credit cards at like 15% interest, went outta state without even telling anyone where he was going, was always late, and to top it off, he married a stripper. He was your basic stupid private.
Well one day he’s not at PT formation. We’re calling him and he doesn’t answer so we go to his barracks room. Says he has a migraine and he’s not going. We tell him that he should’ve gone to sick call and he’ll get in all kinds of shit for not going to PT. He says he’ll take the counseling statement.
Well my platoon sergeant was fucking pissed when he found out. Was gonna give him an article 15 which means he’d lose rank, pay and be put on extra duty. Well an hour later I get a call from the clinic. He was there on an IV passed out. Apparently he had put me down as his emergency contact.
We told the platoon sergeant and he just let everything go.”
“One of my employees had told me that he had shit his pants within a few minutes of starting his shift. At first I thought it was some crazy excuse to get outta work, because retail sucked.
But no, he actually shit his pants. He was on some new medication for some stomach issues and it reacted “violently”. So yeah, that story has stuck with me for years now..”
12. Kid issues.
“I had a former employee who called out constantly because of issues with her kids. It happened before court, before staffings, and other instances.
I gave her work from home options but many times I found it ridiculous. However, I never faulted her for it because she always within like 5 minutes sent a text with a doctor’s slips, a copy of the thermometer at fever levels, etc.”
13. A hard one to sell…
“Not a manager, but I called in late because my cat locked me out of my apartment.
I had a table next to my front door and the cat had jumped up and pawed at the inside deadbolt (no exterior lock) so that it closed just enough that I wasn’t able to open the door.
I stayed at my neighbors place that night. I had to wait until the morning for the maintenance office to open and pop the sliding back door out so I could get in.”
14. No need to show the proof.
“I shat myself on the train on the way in. I’m having to waddle home to shower and change. I’ll be about an hour late.”
I didn’t want to see the proof for that one.”
Those are crazy! And it’s all TRUE!
Okay, now we want to hear from all of you out there!
In the comments, please tell us your stories about ridiculous excuses that sounded like total bullshit but turned out to be 100% true.