And now and now and now andnowandnowandNOW.
And juuuuuuust now.
You know what, this is getting exhausted, let’s just look at some of the ones that caught our eye recently.
10. What a morning
I mean, technically it’s a bar. Call it a Pavlovian response.
I blanked when I got to the counter at Starbucks and said “vodka soda” and she said “huh” and I said “huh” and then we stared at each other until I remembered I was there for coffee.
— Kayne not Kanye (@kaynecaraway) November 26, 2018
9. Gimme yum yums
Mmm, yes, interesting, curly fries, please do go on.
Me pretending to be intensely listening but really I’m just thinking about food pic.twitter.com/Lr93OeDTgH
— Hannah (@hannahmlplanet) February 10, 2020
8. The truth comes out
Speak from the truest part of yourself.
Person: “A drunken mind speaks a sober heart”
Me: *drunk af*
— Because I'm a Guy (@CauseWereGuys) February 21, 2020
7. Stuck in the middle
Just like this hot pocket, I’m ice cold on the inside.
It be a whole shootout in the microwave and the food still be cold smh 🤦🏿♂️
— James McClain (@jamesmcclainII) February 23, 2019
6. No you don’t
The only place I’m driving you is crazy.
Me: finally catches up with all my bills
My car: pic.twitter.com/Dy0iQTiDFF
— Sarah Black 🇩🇪🇫🇷 dreaming of Paris (@TheSarahBlack8) September 29, 2020
5. Consumed by thought
It’s really been eating me up.
Me: Am I lonely or bored?
Stomach: Let's just eat until we figure it out
— Hillary (Not Sara) (@smithsara79) July 15, 2017
4. I see dead people
If that’s what the afterlife is I hope I never die.
If you’re ever having a bad day just remember this guy found out he was dead and was still going to work pic.twitter.com/qt8hedsW91
— soupyeahsoup (@soupyeahsoup) September 23, 2020
3. Avoidant joys
Sorry for explaining that. Thank you. Sorry.
“ur so considerate”
thanks i was raised in constant fear of upsetting people
— jay ❀ུ۪ (@jayhs1k) October 1, 2020
The hot stuff doesn’t leave you feeling like hot stuff.
Nothing tells you to lose weight more than a pair jeans right out of the dryer.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) October 5, 2019
1. Oh, dip
Don’t forget fruitlessly half-trying to clean up the crumbs.
I can confidently say that at least 75% of my back pain comes from hunching over chips and dip.
— Janet Forklift (@janetforklift) October 2, 2020
There are so very many tweets, and so little time. We’ll never be able to keep up with all of the clever things people are saying on the platform, but at least we’ve found a few gems among the deluge to enjoy.
Who are your favorite people to follow on Twitter?
Tell us who you think we should be following in the comments.