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Back in middle school and high school, my mother lecturing me on how I dressed and making sure that I fixed my hair and did my makeup before going to anything she deemed worthy of appearances.

Now, I’m a Xennial, so the majority of my youth was spent in either pajamas or flannel, my hair was long and straight, and I was a born nihilist.

As an adult, though, I’ve come to understand that first impressions do matter, and often those don’t have much at all to do with the words that come out of your mouth – and here are 20 ways we judge people to be not so smart without speaking to them at all.

20. Preach.

Not vaccinating your kids.

Absolutely, and protesting about vaccines in you underwear like some Melbourne residents did over the weekend.

19. It’s actually a thing.

Loading your groceries in your car then abandoning the cart in the middle of the next parking spot instead of putting it back.

The shopping cart is the ultimate litmus test for whether a person is capable of self-governing.

To return the shopping cart is an easy, convenient task and one which we alll recognize as the correct, appropriate thing to do. The return of the shopping cart is objectively right. There are no situations other than dire emergencies in which a person is not able to return their cart. Simultaneously, it is not illegal to abandon your shopping cart. Therefore the shopping cart present itself as the apex example of whether a person will do what is right without being forced to do it. No one will punish you for not retunrning the shopping cart, no one will fine you or kill you for not returning the shopping cart, you gain nothing by returning the shopping cart. You must return the shopping cart out of the goodness of your heart. You must return the shopping cart because it is the right thing to do. Because it is correct.

A person who is unable to do this is no better than an animal, an absolute savage who can only be made to do what is right by threatening them with a law and the force that stands behind it.

The shopping cart is what determines whether a person is a good or bad member of society.

18. Remarkable is one word for it.

I was at the grocery store yesterday, and a woman pulled down her mask to ask the stocker, who was standing right next to her, a question.

I don’t really care about your thoughts on masks, but to wear one EXCEPT when you’re 1 ft away from strangers and talking with them is remarkable.

17. Fifty bumper stickers at all.

50 bumper stickers about politics.

Almost universal sign of a bad driver right here

16. It just saves the rest of us some time.

Having a shirt that says “I’m stupid” so you don’t have to say it.

15. Or anyone famous.

Putting politicians on a pedestal.

14. Let your car do the talking.

Reving your car when you’re mad.

13. You can’t always be right.

not accepting anyone disagreeing with you ever.

shows you aren’t willing to learn, and want to stay stupid which is stupid.

12. Screaming, period.

Screaming at the customer service agent because the thing you ordered the week before Christmas won’t arrive on time.

Screaming at the customer service agent because you can’t get a seat when you show up unannounced at a restaurant on Valentines Day/Mother’s Day.

Screaming at the customer service agent when your card declines because you’ve got no money in your account.

Screaming at the customer service agent.

11. So much cringe.

“Supposably”

For all intensive purposes

Should/could/would of

(Looking at cars on ebay) break/brake mixed up

10. On the internet, no less.

Being close minded.

These people are some of the worst. They have no ability to comprehend things outside of how they see things.

9. No matter the facts!

I know I’m right, no matter what anyone says.

8. Why go out to eat at all?

Omg my sister at every restaurant “do you have brown rice? No? I’ll just have water.”

“Eating fat make you fat, that’s why I’m vegan.”

“I got a yoga teaching certificate. I’m a yogi. I’m a spiritual being.”

My sisters best friend, “I am an empath! I feel more deeply than normal people.”

7. Damn the man.

You think corporate logos make for great tattoos.

6. If it was only once…

I ran into a glass wall once…

5. I just snorted.

Trusting your life with some horoscope.

I think astrology is ridiculous, but I’m a Libra and that’s so typical for us.

4. Instant rage.

“I don’t need to listen to you, I’m the parent and you’re the child”

3. We all know what that means.

Walking around with a mask on but the nose hanging out. It’s a chin diaper!

Or a d%ck nose.

2. Loudest doesn’t equal smartest.

Usually being the loudest person in the room.

Arguing with someone who is knowledgeable in the topic you’re discussing just to save your pride.

1. That means you’re special (but not in a good way).

You’re the recipient (usually posthumously) of a Darwin Award.

Those are hard to get, too, you really have to work for them.

See what I’m saying? Maybe just think twice about what’s on your t-shirt, that’s all I’m saying.

What else would you put on this list? Drop it in the comments!


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