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Mall Santas Confess The Creepiest Thing A Child Has Ever Asked For

Photo by krakenimages on Unsplash

It’s Christmas and that means time to have a chat with Santa.

Have we been naughty or nice? What is on your list?

My mother used to take me to see mall Santa every year. And every year I’d ask for the common superficial gifts.

I always assumed the rest of my peers were asking for the same things. As I grew older I came to find out that was not the case.

People have been asking these mall Santas for things that could get all of us on a Dateline NBC episode.

It seems some kids think Santa is a hitman. That is a request that can keep you up at night.

Redditor SantasCousin wanted to get into some scandalous Christmas tales from all the mall Santas out there.

So they asked:

“People who have been Santa at the mall, what’s the creepiest thing a kid has asked you for Christmas?”

I have a feeling it won’t just be the children indulging in questionable requests and behavior.

Let’s get to some details.

Can I have the Leftover?

“Had a kid ask ‘Santa, what happens to all the dead kid’s toys?’.”  ~ marxroxx

“I feel like he just sees a business opportunity.”  ~ ReverseTuringTest

Boyfriend Santa Says…

My boyfriend is a Santa for private events, and has been doing it for over 20 years, so he has a BUNCH of stories.” 

“He was doing a private adults-only party, so all of the ladies were being a bit flirty, but nothing crazy. ‘Santa Baby’ started playing and the ladies dragged him onto the dance floor.”

“He shimmies a bit and goes to sit back down when a woman grabs him and starts grinding on him.”

“He tries to get away from her in character (‘What will Mama Claus think?’), but she keeps on grinding and starts to moan.”

“Finally, the hostess notices and gets her away from him, but she kept trying to get to him the rest of the night.”

“The saddest story was definitely when a little kid (4 or 5) crawled into his lap and, with a big, sweet smile, asked Santa.”

“’Can you make my mommy love me?’”

‘My BF has to hug the kid so he wouldn’t see him tearing up and told him that that was a request for a higher power and that he and Mama Claus would pray about it.”

“Kid seemed happy with that response.”  ~ nursejacqueline

Bad Elves

“I wasn’t a mall Santa, but one of the elves who took the pictures.”

“We had two Santas: one was narcoleptic and we had to keep waking him up, and the other would bring his own homemade bags of coal to give to the kids who would cry.”

“And we’d have to try to seize all the bags before he started his shift. That was a fun job.”  ~ craychel

‘get better and not die’

“Not a Santa, but I remember being in hospitals a lot as a kid with serious stomach issues.”

“I remember asking a mall Santa if I could ‘get better and not die’ once when I was about eight or nine years old.”

“When the mall Santa looked at me sadly and said he couldn’t do that, almost in tears, I asked if my old dog that died as a puppy could be brought back as a zombie so ‘we could both be dead together’.”

“‘And if I could come back as a zombie too so I could stay with my parents so they wouldn’t be sad’.”

“Looking back, that was really creepy and I think I broke the poor guy’s heart.”  ~ Emmax1997

For the Menu…

“I wasn’t a mall Santa, but I played one of his elves.”

“I think the worst thing a kid ever asked for was some reindeer sausage. He figured Santa could slaughter one of his reindeer for the venison.”  ~ Dubioushonesty

“Ikea in the UK sells, or at least used to sell, reindeer meat its delicious maybe he had some and wanted Santa to bring him more.” ~ homingstar

One Big Kick!

“Not a mall Santa but I was the ‘Best Buy Box’ for a number of Holliday seasons in the early 2000’s.”

“One year we set up a chair where you could take a picture with me. Soon it turned into people just telling me what they wanted for Christmas.”

“Sometimes I’d have a stack of $5 gift cards and I’d give them out randomly.”

“One kid sits down and says he wants to kick me in the crotch.”

“The suit was heavily padded and there was a good 10 inches or so from the bottom of the box to my love spuds.”

“Being 19 and wanting to put on a good show, I said sure.”

“Kid winds up and musters the best kick he had. I played it up even though he actually hit my thigh. I remember everyone thinking it was so funny.”

“I loved the early Holliday seasons working there. Some of my best memories came from those times.”

We had a fantastic management team who were like family.”

“Then it all changed and everything went sour. Such is life, I guess.”  ~ mcfuddlebutt

Security for Santa Please! 

“Former mall Santa, even bought a professional suit because I hated the one they provided. I got a few creepy stories that involves, college students and adults.”

“Kids: A little girl no more than 5 was screaming bloody murder when it was her turn.”

“Kids get scared of Santa, not that uncommon. Her dolled up mom was having none of her child’s tantrum and the Elves were pleading with her to not put the girl on my lap.”

“She did and at her kid instantly stopped screaming.”

“Just had this look of pure hatred at her mom for the remainder of the photo session.”

“I swear, I thought I was on Candid Camera (before YouTube y’all) it looked so acted out.”

“Attempting to talk to the little terror, I asked her what she wanted for Christmas, she looked at me and softly said just above a whisper, ‘for my Mommy to die’.”

“NOPED myself to a break after that one. It was the inside joke for the rest of the mall Santa season, (whispering to each other between kids) ‘I want you to die!!!!'”

“College Students: One rather lonely overweight gal kept getting in line several times a week to get pictures with Santa.”

“I was in college myself back then and I’m pretty sure she was working herself up to asking me out.”

“Extremely shy, awkward and had some hygiene issues.”

“She only paid for one of the photos but the elves remember seeing her throughout the week when I wasn’t on shift.”

“Apparently only got pictures with me.”

“Adults: I was in my 20’s and the perverted things the MILF’s whispered into my ear while sitting on Santa’s Lap were definitely something for the naughty list to be sure.”

“It became so frequent for the younger Santas to get groped, teased, etc…, that the Elves were told to stay close when adults got their pictures taken. Elf security to be sure.”  ~ Draidr

Bad Sister

“Not a Santa but was a kid that asked for my sister’s tears in a bottle.” ~ LMNOPede

“Today her tears, tomorrow her soul muahahahaha.” ~ WreakingHavoc640

Not a fan of babies…

“Not a mall Santa, but my fire department does a Santa visit to all the houses in my town.”

“We have a few guys dress up as Santa and we drive around going house to house in the fire engines.”

“One year when I was Santa we go to a house with a married couple and two kids.”

“The woman is clearly pregnant. The daughter, about 10-12, creeped the hell out of me.”

“I asked her what she wanted for Christmas and she looks at her I assume step mom and says dead pan. ‘I want the baby to die’.” 

“Jesus Christ, kid.” ~ pokemon-gang

A Kid’s POV

“I remember when I was a little kid, my sister asked Santa for a pony.”

“I was next, so I asked for rat poison… for the pony. 10-year-old me was an edgy little as**hole.”  ~ Redpeng11

For a stew or a spell?

“My grandmother was a Mrs. Claus, one year a kid asked for a dead chicken.” ~ memelordsupremelawd

People can be weird—all people, including kids.

And clearly kids are the weirdest.

I couldn’t do this Santa gig.

Or the elves or Mrs. Claus. I’d be turning kids and adults in to the authorities left and right.

I would also certainly have a stun gun on hand.

Geesh… whatever happened to asking for toys? Games? A puppy? Peace on Earth!!

This is more Halloween than Christmas.

Happy Holidays?