in ,

People Share The Best NSFW History Facts They Don’t Teach You In School

Jean-Baptiste D./Unsplash

Everyone who has gone through a history class in the United States likely learned about things like dictators, leaders and Presidents of the past. Teachers will tell you about World War I and II.

You might learn about people like Benjamin Franklin, Ivan the Terrible or Catherine the Great.

However, you might not know some of the not safe for work details omitted from the classroom about these famous historical figures.

Redditor boopsterdoopster asked:

“What are some NSFW history facts that don’t get taught in school?”

Now that we’re adults, there’s plenty of facts to still learn about outside the classroom.

The most epic party of the last three centuries.

“If you look up Edward Russell in history books or even Wikipedia, you learn about his military service, including Admiral of the Royal Fleet for some famous battles.”

“What they don’t teach is that he threw a party so epic it’s still being talked about 300 years later.”

“In 1694, he threw a party for officers, and with 6,000 guests coming, wanted to make it special. So, he made the world’s largest cocktail.”

“Drained the garden fountain and used that as a giant punch bowl with hundreds of gallons of liquor, over a half ton of sugar, thousands of lemons, etc.”

“He hired bartenders to paddle around in boats, scoop it up, and serve it to attendees.”

“At some point, it began to rain, so they put a tent up over the fountain to prevent it getting watered down.”

“About a week after they started, they had drank every last drop, the fountain was dry, and the party was over.” – MyNameIsRay

“Damn must have been one hell of a week.” – mattisdabezt

“Not a single person in attendance remembered any of it.” – Abbhorase

“If you remember it, you weren’t there.” – RabSimpson

The invention of powdered wigs.

“Powdered wigs were invented to cover up head sores caused by syphilis.” – buddywilson2828

“Syphilis also eventually destroys your nose, which is why old timey writing frequently refers to how prominent a person’s nose is while expounding on their moral character. Essentially, ‘this guy is super great, he doesn’t even have syphilis!'” – SteamboatMcGee

“And small pox scars too. and lice. and all kinds of nasty things because while population was booming, indoor plumbing and clean water were not things yet.” – Makabajones

The first semen ever examined.

“The ‘Father of Microbiology,’ Antonie Van Leeuwenhoek, was the first to examine semen under a microscope immediately after ejaculating in his wife.” – misein-anthropos

“The ‘Daddy of Microbiology.'” – ExplainLikeImAnOtter

“He actually made a point to emphasize that he got it the sanctioned way because, you know, normal guys don’t spank it.” – gertalives

“In his defense, he could have been trying for the most accurate environment next to still being inside her; he knows that he doesn’t know everything, and so keeping conditions of the test as close as possible to the conditions of the events he’d like to understand is sensible.” – Beard_of_Valor

“When he presented his discovery to his fellow scientists, they had to pronounce the obligatory ‘NO HOMO’ to preserve their hetero-ness.” – churros4burros

More than we needed to know about Alexander the Great.

“Alexander the Great had 361 concubines (official prostitutes), 4 more and he would have one for every day of the year.” – Redditor

“Yeah but that would be excessive.” – bigblueh

“Then we’d have to call him Alexander the Excessive.” – nakiron

The life of a sailor.

“During the age of sail, any time a large ship would come into port, the men often wouldn’t be allowed shore leave for a few days. So you would see small boats packed with prostitutes heading out to the ship at mooring.”

“Larger ships of the line would have over 500 men aboard so there could definitely be a couple hundred ladies brought aboard ‘behind the captain’s back.’ and with virtually no privacy aboard, you would have spaces in the ship with hundreds of couples going at it at once.”

“There were definitely a lot of captains that didn’t allow any women aboard, so the sailors on those ships would just have to wait until they could go ashore.” – strengthof10interns

“Also a reason why piracy was, in the long term, an unsustainable economy: because most of the crew would blow their entire take of a prize with women (and to a lesser extent booze) the next time they went ashore. Did wonders for the economy of Kingston though.”

“I love pirates but goddamn they had no long term plan.” – wakattawakaranai

“I doubt most guys in that line of work back then didn’t expect to make it to old age anyways. Might as well live it up while you’re hearts still beating.” – strengthof10interns

“Look at Blackbeard. The most famous pirate of all time – was only a pirate for 2 years and was dead by 38.” – RudolphClancy88

Expedition to Sicily ruined by some drunk guys.

“There was a Greek general who was supposed to lead a major expedition to Sicily. The night before he left he got wasted and walked around Athens with his other drunk friends and knocked all of the penises off of the statues in Athens.”

“This caused him to be arrested, he missed the expedition and they lost almost all of the men they sent to Sicily because only he knew the plan well enough to pull it off.” – izlanda_

“My classics teacher in college LOVED to talk about Alcibiades. He called him the ‘Sterling Archer of Ancient Greece.'” – ParaplegicFish

“Alcibiades. Probably a false accusation. Which got him to defect to Sparta. Where he showed them how to defeat the Athenians and had an affair with one of the king’s (Sparta had two) wives.”

“So he ran to Persia, learned Persian, had an affair with the king’s female relative, showed Persia how to defeat Athens and Sparta. Went back to Athens and got his rank back, then quit.”

“Years later he owned a vast estate where he hosted the Athenian fleet warning them they had their ships positioned where they could be attacked. The fleet officers dismissed his concerns and the enemy burned their ships.” – Oknight

Ben Franklin liked older women.

“Ben Franklin was a super sex freak and loved to tell younger dudes to have sex with older (old) women.” – ericb67

“Ben Franklin was a playboy. He was the US Ambassador to France and slept with the daughters of many French nobles. And when he arrived his clothing would influence French fashion.” – BourbonBinge

“Dude also enjoyed taking ‘air baths.'”

“Which meant that, while he was in France, he would just sit naked in front of an open window in his living room while he did his morning paperwork.” – Gemmabeta

Catherine the Great had erotic furniture.

“Catherine The Great had a parlor room filled with explicit, erotic furniture she commissioned personally. We’re talking blow jobs carved into chairs, an end table where giant dicks’ torrential cumshots were holding up a marble countertop, a woman getting eaten out by a demon on a throne… homegirl had taste.” – OnWarmLeatherette

“It’s all been destroyed but holy sh*t look at this lol.” – fullofpaint

Going out with a bang, so to speak.

“French President Félix Faure went out via death by blowjob from a mistress.” – Ascribed_innovation

“He had a stroke or massive bleeding of some sort, it’s a bit unclear what exactly. Presumably the increased strain was too much for his circulatory system.”

“That’s what happens when you’re banging chicks in their twenties while you’re almost sixty.” – AntiChr1st

“If you die while nutting you are both cumming and going.” – Watamote_lover

Edited out of Anne Frank’s diary.

“Anne Frank’s diary talked a lot about masturbation, but most of it was edited out.” – waxmygwbush

“And about her lesbian crush on one of her friends.” – xandrenia

“‘Once when I was spending the night at Jacque’s, I could no longer restrain my curiosity about her body, which she’d always hidden from me and which I’d never seen. I asked her whether, as proof of our friendship, we could touch each other’s breasts. Jacque refused. I also had a terrible desire to kiss her, which I did. Every time I see a female nude, such as the Venus in my art history book, I go into ecstasy. Sometimes I find them so exquisite I have to struggle to hold back my tears. If only I had a girlfriend!'”

“Writing about her crushes on her female friend and the experiments she had with her.” – Ybuzz

We definitely won’t find any of this information in a text book, but thank goodness we have the internet!

There’s so much we don’t know that we don’t even know.