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One day I was walking from a venue to a grocery store for a snack when a man approached me at random, told me he “had to make lemonade right now,” thanked me for politely chuckling, engaged me in a conversation about the spiritual implications of my name, and then informed me he was an assassin.

It’s strange the things strangers might want to let you know.

What’s the most fucked up thing someone has told you about themselves after barely getting to know them? from AskReddit

Reddit’s got all kinds of stories about just how weird it can get out there. Be warned, some of these are pretty intense.

1. The vigilante

Chatted with a huge middle-aged dude in a bar once who after about 2 minutes, told me that he had been in prison for bashing his dad’s head in with a hammer.

His dad used to beat his mom and one day he’d had enough of it.

– RVT223

2. The enema enthusiast

A customer explained to me the benefits of a coffee enema to heal everything from my acne to preventing cancer. I couldn’t get her to leave me alone for an hour because it was dead and no one was there to help.

I worked for a skincare counter in a department store. Like if you don’t need my products because cleaning your a** with coffee fixes it, why are you here?

But she went on about how she started her kids on these and did their enemas until they could do theirs on their own. What.

Then she also grabbed my hands and kept saying promise me you’ll try it. Promise me. She left after I promised.

No, I didn’t try it.

– TenaciousToffee

3. The straight up murderer

I made the unfortunate mistake of inviting my old neighbour over when we were having a party. He had like five gins in my kitchen and confessed to an unsolved murder in Nunavut, Canada.

He’s in jail.

– _HossBonaventureCEO_

4. The lunch break lunatic

I had a colleague in the former place I worked and for months he basically ignored me. Then one day while I had my lunch break and was sitting outside by myself he joins me and starts to chat with me as if we’d been buddies for ages. He was going through a bitter divorce at that time and after a few minutes we‘re knee deep in all the sh**ty things his ex-wife did and what he would like to do to her. It was graphic and drastic to say the least.

Since I was new and as junior as it was possible to be I didn‘t dare to tell him how f**ked up I thought that was but just dully peppered the one-sided conversation with „Hmm.“ and „I see.“ in the most uninterested sounding tone possible, hoping it would steer him away from the topic. No dice and I had to endure half an hour of his ramblings.

On the plus side, he never even see his ex-wife again, let alone did any of the things he had said. Maybe he just needed to vent that day but sure as h**l it f**ked up my lunch break.

– The_Sceptic_Lemur

5. The sleepless suspect

Started to work with my coworker he kept falling asleep on me. On day two I asked him if he was ok because he constantly falls asleep. He tells me he has insomnia; Makes sense I feel bad for the guy.

An hour goes by he nods off again, this is scary cause he’s a driver I yell WAKE UP. He jolts awake goes back to driving, apologizes. Then begins telling me what happened and why he can’t sleep.

About 10 years ago he was going through a divorce, apparently his daughters bedroom got broken into and she was ra**d and beaten nearly to death at age 15. The assailant went to the mother’s bedroom and murdered her.

A couple of weeks later they found the guy while he (the father) was taking care of his daughter. Shot multiple times and murdered in a random town nearby somewhere in a ditch. He goes on to say the cops arrested him right away since he was the number 1 suspect, questioning him about the situation, to which he had no clue to what they were going on about.

He had to get a lawyer and after a few days of questioning they had to release him because they had no evidence that it was him. His voice changed when he told me this and while he said “he was a friend of the families, I wonder what happened to him, guess we will never know but they got nothing on me…” in a more menacing voice, after a long pause it seemed like he caught himself and turned to me and said back in his original fun guy sweet voice “But I wasn’t anywhere near so I don’t know how they did suspect me for it….and that’s why i have trouble sleeping every night for the last 10 years”

I just got chills and thought to myself, holy f**k you did it didn’t you.

– HelluvaKnight

6. A touchy subject

yesterday i was walking with a friend of a friend after my friend left me.

He started telling me benefits of no fap and his “pervertness” OUT OF NOWHERE, like telling me how it had affected him and his life personally.

He told me how he masturbated in a train sitting with all his friends in such a way nobody noticed.

Then he goes on telling me how he asked his father for help, FOR WHICH HIS FATHER asked him to drink buttermilk because apparently it reduces the “addiction”.

– qwertypad1

7. The grieving looper

I worked with this girl for maybe 2 days? I’d previously introduced myself, but I hadn’t actually had a chance to talk to her, and so I asked her if she had a good weekend, and the first thing she told me was she went to a follow up doctor visit from having a miscarriage.

Caught off guard, I gave her my condolences.

She would loop the convo back to her miscarriage and how devastating it was every single time I had to talk to her again after that.

– WormieMcSquirmie

8. The bedroom troubles

This happened to my wife. We had just moved into a new house and the lady next door came over to introduce herself to my wife.

As she was talking she informed my wife that her husband was mad at her because she had farted when he was going down on her.

– ItsMyView

9. The very close family

I was doing a service call at a house and just making small talk when the owner mentioned out of the blue that she’s married to her uncle.

I’ve been there twice, and both times they felt the need to tell me. It’s… kinda weird

– bcmonke

10. The lost father

Guy walks into my bar which is down the street from a hospital.

He’s pretty quiet, so I’m not trying to push for a conversation. Next thing I know he breaks down crying at the bar. I go to ask if he’s okay, if I need to call him a cab etc.

He told me his teenage son had just died in the hospital down the street about an hour earlier. I had no idea what to say or how to react.

– buff_bagwell1

11. The cry for help

I was 11 years old at camp. I was the quiet girl who just wanted to read in her corner, who didn’t want to be there. I struggled to make friends but I wasn’t really trying anyway.

So, this loud, talkative girl befriended me. She cursed every other word and she was… Idk, rough around the edges. I was a bit curious about her, but I was trying to shake her off during the first day. She was sometimes insulting and quite abrasive.

Anyway, on the second day, she spent most of the day describing how her mother was abusing her and her siblings, how she had tried getting away through the window, how child protective services didn’t do anything, how her dad was every bit just as bad so it was a relief he was gone, how she rarely ate enough and her mom would deprive her of supper every other day, how she had 2 younger siblings so she took the worst of the abuse to protect them…

I remember being completely shaken by her story. I come from a loving family with healthy parents and it was the first time I even considered that a parent would harm their child this way. I remember telling my parents that night and I don’t think anything ever came of it.

– BadaSBich22

12. The horrible innocence

When I was around 10, I lived beside this weird family. The little girl was probably 4 or 5, always clinging to me anytime we were outside. She talked incessantly and always wanted to hang out with me, asking to come into my house. She annoyed me so badly but she was really sweet and excited about everything.

One day she tells me, “Do you ever naked wrestle with your dad?” I told her that’s really weird and no…I don’t even know what that means. She then tells me she and her dad and brother naked wrestle a lot.

Forgive me but I was 10, I had no idea what the f**k I was being told. I still think about that to this day. The guilt eats at me. I wish I had understood more and told someone.

– bitterherpes

13. The religious experience

First time meeting a lady while I was bartending.

One drink in, she proceeds to tell me that her husband cheated on her so she cheated on him with a young Jehovah Witness that had showed up at her front door.

She ended up getting knocked up by the Jehovah Witness and now has a child out of wedlock. I literally never even got her name.

– MrMcSneed

14. The Heisenberg principle

This was a patient. Middle-aged guy in short term nursing home for a hip replacement or something.

I’m trying to get to know him to figure out what kind of skills he may need to work on in order to return home safely. I ask him “Do you cook?”

He responds: I used to, but then the cops found out.

– meandervida

15. The ladies’ man

Years ago I went on a date with a guy I met via AOL Personals. Within five minutes of the date, he told me he was working on a book about speed seduction.

And he was so confident he could speed seduce me, he already had a condom on ready for me.

I high tailed out of there full speed. I googled him a while back and turns out he ended up self-publishing the book.

– regnbueurora

Well that’s all…horrifying.

Have you had an experience like this?

Tell us about it in the comments.


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