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People Share How They’d Ruin a First Date Immediately

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I’m not sure who would purposely ruin a first date, but there are a ton of weirdos out there, so anything goes these days, it seems.

The question posed on AskReddit was: “You got ten seconds to ruin a first date. How?”

And AskReddit users let us into their twisted little worlds…enjoy!

1. Let’s speed this up.

“Tell them to make this quick you have another one in an hour.”

2. That was Johnny.

“Answer a fake phone call with “Hey babe. Yeah I’m at the bar with Johnny. See you later. Love you!’”

3. Mommy says so.

“Mom says I have to go on at least one date a month or else she’ll cut me off.

So let’s get this over with.”

4. Put a scare into them.

“Oh, I’m so glad you agreed to meet. My kids need a new Daddy.

Since I’ve been cleared of that *air quotes* accident my late husband had, it’s time to get back out there.

*takes phone call, whispering* No, no, he’s here. Yeah. No, he’s not a drinker so the liver should be fine.”

5. Some light conversation.

“What’s your stance on abortion?

Because you should know my stance on condoms.”

6. That should do it.

“Her: “Hi! Thank you for coming to pick me up!”

Me: “I don’t think I could have waited another second.” and then rip the juiciest, rankest fart possible just after she’s gotten in the car and make sure to lock the windows so she can’t get fresh air. Follow with “You’re WELCOME.” “

7. Dig for gold.

“Don’t say a word, lock eyes, and just go knuckle deep in my nose and dig around for a good long while.”

8. You might get punched.

“I have another girl waiting so if we’re not gonna fuck after this I need to go.”

9. Forgot about that.

“Whoops left this on.

Slip off wedding band.”

10. This will get you in trouble.

“Laugh very loudly and obnoxiously and then exclaim, “I haven’t laughed this hard since 9/11″

Works every time.”

11. This is a great opportunity.

“Admit you aren’t attracted to them and only invited them out to hear about your great MLM business opportunity.”

12. How rude!

“I much rather be doing something else right now, but I guess this will do.”

13. Too much, too soon.

“I think I’m falling in love with you.”

14. If they agree, it all works out.

“I’d say “So now that I’m here we can discuss prices.

For me being at this dinner it’s $250. If you want to have sex later it will be an extra $500.”

15. Creeper vibes.

“Aww. Look at this puppy!

It’s so sexy, makes me really horny.”

16. Oh, Mother! She always knows best!

“Just reply with laughing for 5 seconds minimum followed by “Mother always says that!””

17. Put them to sleep.

“Explain the intricate details as to why RBMK Reactor number 4 failed causing Europe’s biggest nuclear accident.”

18. First things first.

“Ask to see their feet before even greeting them.”

19. I think that would probably work.

“Scratch my scalp furiously and say, “Ugh, I hate having fleas!””

20. Meet the family!

“We can’t order until my wife and kids get here to see if they like you.”

21. He’ll be gone in no time.

“I’m gonna walk in, in a wedding dress with a priest, ask him to marry me.”

Those all sound pretty good to me! Cheers to ruining a first date!

What do you think? Have you ever sabotaged a date on purpose? Or maybe you blew it on accident and regretted it?

Share your dating disaster stories with us in the comments!