I am in my 30’s, and I don’t mind telling you about it. Today I got up slightly too fast and the entire room started spinning so ferociously that I thought “better go lay down or they’ll find me dead in this kitchen.”
Why? No reason. Because 30’s, that’s why. Hope you made the most out of your cool human body because it is officially on the decline now and also you’re gonna get really passionate about home and gardening shows for some reason.
But it’s not all bad news, at least there are a bunch of funny tweets about getting older.
12. The golden age
And then there’s that jerk Tom Brady still winning Super Bowls in his 40’s because he sold his soul to Satan.
When I was a kid: why do athletes retire in their 30s they’re still so young?
Me in my 30s now: *trying to get up from a couch* yep ok
— pookie (@Kollelorcollege) June 2, 2019
11. Party’s over
Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time.
Basically all of your thirties is wondering how 2 drinks can provoke a 48-hour hangover.
— Jennifer Wright (@JenAshleyWright) February 22, 2019
10. The checklist
Yep, that’s me all the way down.
How to tell you're an adult:
• you gain 30lbs overnight
• you'd rather sleep than go out
• everything hurts
• comfort comes before style
• you have a favorite spatula
• everything feels like a chore
• college students look like 12yr olds
• you're always annoyed af
— Cats Against Humanity™ (@CatsVsHumanity) August 12, 2019
9. Checks and balances
Be sure to panic a lot and then buy things to make yourself feel better.
how to deal with finances like an adult:
1. never check bank balance
2. pretend things are fine
— lula mae barnes (@skinnymarie) September 4, 2017
8. Four wheel driven
Time to go check my credit score again.
I am “considering a Subaru” years old.
— momsbehavingbadly (@badbadmoms) October 4, 2020
7. The one
This makes sense and I hate that it makes sense.
[At the supermarket]
Cashier: "May I see some ID for the beer?"
Me: "Sure." (holds up license)
Cashier: "Okay, you're cool. I see the '1'."
Me: "The '1'?"
Cashier: "The '1' at the beginning of your birth year."
Me: "Oh God…"
Cashier: "Happy New Year!"
— Christopher Cooley (@ChrisKnowsStuff) January 4, 2021
There’s no accounting for it, it’s just something that’s gonna happen.
And then one day you just wake up and say "I FUCKING LOVE POACHED EGGS!"
Aging is weird.
— Lazor (@Lazor2828) November 22, 2020
5. Mixed messages
I’ve also found that I’m trying very hard to like new music so I’m not the old guy in the room but it is impossible.
I’m at the age where the volume needs to be both louder and lower at the same time
— Casey Balsham (@CaseyBalsham) December 27, 2020
4. Holy sheet
You will look forward to it all week.
Welcome to middle age. Clean sheet night excites you now.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) August 2, 2020
3. Have a seat
Wait, did some of you NOT have to do this before?
Welcome to your 40's – you have to sit down to put your socks and shoes on now
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) January 8, 2021
2. Rank and file
You better shape up if you wanna hit that top eight.
I miss MySpace because I loved getting to rank my friends.
Some of you really need to be put in your place.
— Lil Kimchi (@victorialiciax) February 20, 2020
1. Gloss over it
If this was your go to lip gloss you need wrinkle cream now pic.twitter.com/D3jDDMUvnN
— The News Clan (@thenewsclan) October 19, 2020
Bring on the rest of my life, I’m ready for it!
What’s the strangest thing about being your age?
Tell us in the comments.