It’s hard to be in public or around the kids of friends and acquaintances who badly need to be put in their place, but be forced to keep your mouth shut in polite society.
Which makes these 12 awesomely deserved moments all the sweeter. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to witness them myself.
#12. Best thing ever.
“When I was 12 my dad dated a nice lady with a bratty 9 year old who would talk back to and refuse to do chores which would then be passed to me.
One day at the dinner table everyone is eating and he goes listen! And rips a tiny fart. His Mom is embarrassed and asks him to stop or go to the bathroom. Instead he spreads a shit eating grin and leans in to rip one loose, and accidentally shits himself mid dinner.
His expression of horror was the best thing ever, I died laughing as he ran clutching his ass away from the table.”
#11. Nobody lifted a finger.
“On the first day of a two week vacation, I saw my spoiled 10 year old cousin tell his mother, his older female cousin, his aunt and his grandmother that he wasn’t going to clear his place or rinse his dishes because “that’s women’s work.” For the rest of that two week vacation, nobody had to lift a finger to clear a plate, rinse a dish or wash a pot because it was his job. At times there were over a dozen of us there.”
#10. Too little, too late.
“I guess the situation is epic to me, because it seems like spoiled kids always win. I took my kids to a children’s museum when they were toddlers. There was a specific area for toddlers with a whole grocery store set up. Such is life, there was a 8 or 9 year old kid in the toddler area being a pain in the ass. He kept taking all of the kids toys, hoarding all the shopping carts. He would hand out a few pieces of food to the kids but mainly wouldn’t let them touch or play with anything else. Now, normally I would let my own badass kid deal with the situation. He doesn’t take shit from anybody. But they started getting into it when this kid got on my son’s nerves, and then the older kid hit my son. Done. I went over to the kid, got right up in his face and said, “No! We do not hit! Get out!” Instant tears, dropped all the toys and left the play area. His mom caught the tail end of the scene, and tore him a new one. “What is wrong with you?! I can’t turn around for 2 minutes! And then some other parent has to come in and tell you to behave!” Unfortunately too little too late for that one.”
#9. A danger to others.
“I worked as a outdoor camp instructor. One week I was on logistics and had to drive the van to lick up kids. I had heard from my friend that one of the kids in his group was a little shit, back chatting, lazy, bullying other kids. When I got to the pick up point, the kids hopped into the van and my mate in shotgun. My mate Mitch gave me the run down of the kid. As I started the van up I did a visual check of seatbelts and everyone was good, except for the kid. I asked, he said no. I told him I can’t leave until he puts it on. So he did and I started to leave. A minute down the road I heard him unclip his seat belt again so I had to stop the van and ask him again. He put it back on. This happened one more time. On the third time I just pulled over, turned the van off. Radioed base and asked for my manager and the overseeing teacher who was his Dean to come up and pick this kid up because he was a danger to the others in the van.
That’s when this kid started pleading and begging. Told him no. I already made the call. He got sent home. My mate Mitch had one of his best weeks after this kid left.”
#8. Not without his mac n cheese.
“There’s actually a complete video of mine! Here at Uconn, they serve special mac n’ cheese on certain days, I’m sure lots of schools do it. But our bacon jalapeno mac is pretty damn good.
Well, a certain sophomore from a wealthy family who is used to being bailed out of trouble by his rich parents got drunk and decided he wanted some mac n’ cheese. He was clearly intoxicated, and had the balls to walk around the food court drinking beer. The manager sees this and won’t let him in the food line. As seen in the video, our boy spends the next 10 minutes mercilessly berating the poor guy and his staff for being beneath him.
The manager gives him so many chances to just walk away, but our boy isn’t leaving without his mac. He shoves the manager (not for the first time) and another employee decides he’s done with this shit. Hero employee tackles our boy and pins him. Shithead spends the next few minutes pinned to the ground while the cops arrive, screams “I’M ABSOLUTELY FUCKED”, and is arrested. Not his first arrest, not his first expulsion from a college. From what I hear, he’s since been arrested or expelled from another school.
We’ll never forget you, Mac N’ Cheese kid.
EDIT: Thanks for my first gold! I’d also like to add that our local calzone restaurant named a limited time calzone after him. I had one and it was full of bacon jalapeno mac n’ cheese and it was amazing.
EDIT#2: In response to numerous requests, here is a recipe for the mac n’ cheese worth getting expelled for.”
#7. They remembered.
“I played football in the local kids league. One kid from another team was basically untouchable as his dad was a major sponsor of the league and would donate money for uniforms, drinks etc.
His son was a pretty good receiver, but didn’t like getting hit, and his parents made a big deal of leaving their son alone so he can develop his skills. He was insufferable. Anytime he scored a TD, he would do over the top celebrations and mock all the other players, his teammates included.
Then came high school. Most of the kids from the league ended up in 1 of 2 schools. He went to mine (and some other players).
During tryouts, he did well. The coaches were mostly focused on skills and minimal contact during the first few rounds of cuts.
The final round was when things got interesting. Full contact was permitted and he got rocked over and over again. No one was actually trying to tackle any harder than normal, it’s just this dude didn’t know what to do when he got tackled. So he screamed and cried a lot.
He didn’t make the team.
Until his dad came down to the school and offered to donate money for uniforms and some other goodies for our sports teams.
So he made the team and again we were told to take it easy on him a bit. So we did. But the other teams didn’t. And he went up against some of the players he mocked previously. And they remembered. Our QB kept passing to him, and he was getting repeatedly smashed. Over and over again.
It was the only time our team cheered for the other team. He quit playing football after that.”
#6. She was happy.
“Ooh I’ve got a fun one. This one, I handled myself!
I waited tables in a breakfast diner a few years back. Two ladies come in and tow one of their kids along, a chubby boy with gold chains and a nice watch (kid is probably 10-11, for reference)
Mom is clearly very tired of dealing with him as he is very demanding, blurts out what he wants before I can say hi, etc. Partway through the meal, he holds up his Sprite cup and shakes it at me, and utters only the word “more!”
Mom looks aghast and chastises him for being rude, to which he begrudgingly apologizes. I shrugged and told him “don’t apologise to me, apologise to your mom.”
Was a little worried when I came back around with his Sprite and saw his salty, hot tears streaming down his chubby face.
Mom left me a ten on a 30 dollar bill, however, so I think she was happy with my service :D”
#5. Suck it.
“I guess I’ll start. Definitely not the best, but it still pleased me.
I used to work at a pony camp that catered to rich kids from a very nice neighborhood. We would have really spoiled kids all the time. While annoying, the most frustrating part is trying to maintain authority just so the little shits don’t get themselves killed by 1,000 lb animals.
Anyways, we had a maybe 10 yr old kid from some mildly famous sportscaster one week. Kid was just downright awful. She ignored everything we told her and was mean to the other kids in camp. At one point she started a physical fight with another girl and when she felt like she was getting beaten she started yelling “Do you know who my mom is?! I’m going to tell her!” The other kid got scared and started crying.
My coworker replied “Actually, I do know your mom and I know she wouldn’t like to hear about this. Why don’t I call her right now?” Little brat didn’t believe her so my coworker did. She was much easier to deal with the rest of the week.
Turns out, my coworker worked with her mom many times over the years. She’s a professional makeup artist for tv and did her makeup more than a few times.
Suck it spoiled brat.”
#4. A cool Christmas.
“I used to work at a women’s shelter. Christmas time rolls around and a man and his sour-puss teenaged son comes to the door. He says his son would like to donate some items to the kids staying at the shelter. Great! The man and his son start hauling in some expensive items. There was an X-Box, a bunch of games, a flat screen, iPod, cool head set, etc. Turns out the kid ran his mouth and the Dad made him give everything to the kids. Christmas was pretty cool for our gang that year.”
“One time I wouldn’t give my daughter a push on the swing because she was whining instead of asking. She knows we don’t listen to whining but her grandpa was there so she was testing me.
When she figured out I really wasn’t going to do it, she grabbed the rope from the swing and flung the swing at me.
It missed me, came back and smacked her right in the face. I’m sure it hurt too because it was a board with a rope through the middle.
Not that I’m happy that my kid was hurt over it but I taught her about karma that day.”
#2. Magic shoes.
“Used to work at a non overnight summer camp and after school program and week long soccer camp. The town isn’t huge so needless to say over a few years I got to know several kids from different programs. One 10yr old boy I knew from afterschool care was a total prick. Bully, snob, didn’t think he had to listen, tattle tale (personal pet peeve) just awful. He came to my soccer camp and proceeded to make fun of a 8yo girl cuz she had old cleats where he had the newest Nike’s and a brand new cool design ball. Unfortunately for him I also knew this 8yo girl and knew that the reason her cleats looked old and worn down is that she was a motherfucking BEAST, just all around amazing athlete who loved soccer and played hours every day. I paired him with her for a simple drill where one person started with ball and you just tried to get past the other person and kick the ball at stationary ball/cone about 10yds away to simulate passing/scoring accurately while under pressure. he was of course angry saying she was too young and a girl. I said if he hit the cone 3 times he could pick his partner. He again pointed out her shoes to me as if that were going to change my mind before gIving in and playing. She proceeded to humiliate him over the next few mins. Not once letting him dribble past her in 5 attempts. He was LIVID!! Bending down messing with laces as if the shoes really mattered then saying he needed to use his ball. Nothing worked. He was so angry I thought he was going to be violent but then it was her turn to be on offense. He talked some kind of smack I forget what and refused to let her use his ball. She didn’t say a word got s new ball. I blew whistle and she did a step over fake which made him move to the side she stood back up straight and kicked it between his legs and hit the cone. She barely even moved. He was so fucking angry. Second round he charged her screaming, she kept her cool, wound back like she was gonna drill it at his dumb face, he ducked and squealed as she dribbled around him with his hands still covering his head and hit the cone. I didn’t make her embarrass him for the remaining 3 attempts and called a water break. The kid was just dumbfounded, he honestly thought his shoes were going to make him better without any effort. He was better behaved the rest of the week but honestly I think she just broke his spirit. He just seemed out of it. Hope he’s doing all right.
The girl is like an all American HS soccer player last I checked, won’t be surprised if I see her in Olympics one day.”
#1. Monkey justice.
“I went on a bushwalk in Singapore and there are pretty clear signs around not to feed the monkeys as they can get aggressive.
Anyway there were these two boys around the age of 8 swearing and throwing sticks and rocks at a little monkey in a tree. The dad was standing there laughing and allowing this to go on. I was about to say something when one of the kids ripped open a bag of skittles and started throwing them.
The monkey immediately ran down from the branch and snatched the skittles; at the same moment another three monkeys came out of nowhere, and in an epic display of monkey-justice, swarmed the kids, making them and the dad run away for dear life.”